


Lift Me Up

by psychoticmidds



Series: I'm no hero [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depressed Dean, Eventual Sabriel, Fluff and Angst, Guardian Angel, Humor, Hurt Dean, M/M, MxM - Freeform, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, eventual destiel, mxf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 23,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychoticmidds/pseuds/psychoticmidds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After taking in Dean and Sam, Bobby tries to give his adoptive sons the life they deserve. He will not be the only one that tries to help Dean overcome what John has done to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to do this for awhile but I wanted to make sure I had a solid idea.

" **Dean**!" The plate flew free of the seventeen-year old's hand, crashing to the ground shattering loudly covering the ground with pieces of plate and the breakfast he had made for Sammy. Dean's heart raced in his chest, eyes widened as he began to panic.

" **I..I'm sorry Bobby, I..I didn't mean too...** " Dean began to apologize finding the broom to clean the mess up.

" **Dean**!" Bobby said more calmly trying to get the teen's attention, he was fretting too much over sweeping up the mess, apologizing over and over again. Bobby grabbed the boy, stopping him, seeing the terror written all over his face and in his eyes, " **Dean, hey, listen, boy, it's just a stupid plate**!"  Dean shook his head, and Bobby could feel him trembling, "  **What were you doing**? "

" **I..I was just...I was just getting Sammy some breakfast. I didn't mean to break the plate, you..you...** " Dean trailed off too embarrassed to admit that he had been scared, after all the things he saw and even hunted with dad, the one thing that scared him, was Bobby. 

" **You don't need to worry about cooking breakfast for your brother Dean, I can handle cooking breakfast on my own**." Bobby was trying to be reassuring, but it didn't seem like it was working, Dean averted his eyes looking as if Bobby had just taken away Dean's favorite gun.

" **It's my job to take care of Sammy** ," Dean said quietly, not looking Bobby in the eyes, but flinched the moment Bobby moved his hand to rub his neck, fearing the hand was going to strike him. 

" **You don't need to worry about taking care Sam while you're here, and certainly not on your birthday**." Dean met Bobby's eyes, shocked that the older hunter even remembered. " **Give me the broom, I'll clean this mess up, you go make sure your brother's awake**." Hesitating for a minute, Dean decided not to argue and handed over the broom to Bobby before leaving the kitchen, going to the room Sam slept in and knocked on the door before opening it. **  
**

" **Sammy, you up**?"

" **I'm up, I heard something break, is everything alright**?" Sam asked as he put on his shoe, fully dressed.

" **I..uhh...** " Dean began, embarrassed once more, " **I accidentally dropped a plate**." Clearing his throat, the teen chose to change the subject, " **You excited to start school**?" Sam nodded his head with a smile, grabbing his bag. " **If anyone messes with you, and you don't take care of them, I will**. " Sam gave Dean an annoyed look. **  
**

" **I can take care of myself, Dean** ," Sam assured his older brother and looked at him closely. " **How are you feeling**?" 

" **I'm fine Sam** ," Dean answered in a tone that told his little brother to drop it and stop worrying, not even a day had passed since Sam had woken and caught Dad strangling Dean. Turning away from his little brother, Dean left the room before Sam could continue to pry for information, or even call out Dean for lying to him, it was obvious how much pain he was in, and how afraid he was.

" **Dean, wait**!" Sam called, running after him, grabbing him by the arm, trying to be careful now that he knew about the bruises.

" **I said I'm fine, Sammy** ," Dean snapped, really not in the mood to talk about what had happened, knowing that no matter what Sam or even Bobby said, it was his fault. 

" **I just want to say happy birthday** ," Sam said quietly, letting go of Dean's arm. **  
**

" **Yeah, thanks** ," Dean passively remarked, walking away from his little brother, he didn't care much that it was his birthday, it was just another day of the year, it wasn't special, so he was a year older, so what? 

" **Boys, breakfast is ready, better hurry the bus will be here soon** ," Bobby informed them from the dining room, Dean looked over at him, not feeling up to eating anything at that moment.

" **I'm not hungry** ," Dean said calmly, heading for the front door when Sam grabbed him by the arm again and stopped him.

" **You have to eat Dean, you haven't eaten anything in days**!" Sam shouted angrily at his older brother.

" **Why haven't you been eating Dean**?" Bobby asked Dean looked from his younger brother to the hunter, thinking of an excuse. 

" **I wasn't thinking about it**...." As soon as the words left his mouth he knew it sounded lame and neither Bobby or Sam were going to buy it.

" **Try that again boy, and this time the truth**." Crossing his arm's Bobby gave Dean a look that made him flinch, worried that if he didn't do as he was told, Bobby would hurt him like dad did. 

" **There wasn't enough food** ," averting eye contact with either of them Dean stared at the floor instead, " **Sam needed the food more than I did**."

" **So you decided to starve yourself? You idjit**!" Dean flinched waiting for a blow that never came," **There's plenty food here, besides I made it for your birthday**."

" **You didn't have to do that**..." Dean said quietly, holding the tears he felt at the corner of his eyes.

" **Hell no, I didn't have to, and you didn't have to ask me either. I did it cause I wanted too, and it's your birthday**."

" **Who cares**?"

" **We care, Dean**!" Sammy interrupted, bringing on a silence to the room. Under his breath, Dean mumbled a whatever and went to the dining room, sitting down at the table and crossed his arms ignoring the pain from his body, when Sam and Bobby joined him at the table, waiting for them to begin eating before he grabbed his fork and took a small bite of the scrambled eggs on his plate. Without noticing, Sam and Bobby exchanged a look between them knowing that it was at least a step in the right direction, but none of them really knew how bad it really was.

Hearing the bus, neither of them had ever seen Dean move so quickly before, " **Come on Sam, the bus is here, let's go, don't want to be late**."

" **Sit your butt down and finish your breakfast, I'll get you to school** ," A stern tone came from Bobby, causing Dean to shrink back in the chair and started slowly picking at his food, taking small bites, until he finally ate every last bite. " **Now you can go to school** ," Bobby said after Dean had put his plate in the sink with Bobby and Sam's who had finished much faster than he had. Grabbing his bag, Dean followed Sam and Bobby out to the truck and got in, riding quietly to the school, trying to understand why Bobby hadn't lost his temper with him and even forced him to eat something, Dad wouldn't have cared if he didn't eat, but he also wouldn't have let Dean get away with his attitude without punishment either. 

* * *

 

" **Go on in Sam, I want to talk to your brother real quick** ," Bobby told Sam when they pulled into the parking lot at the school, Sammy grabbed his bag and did as he was told, disappearing inside. Here it came, now they were alone, Bobby would punish him, just like dad did. Dean put his hands on the dash, leaning forward and waited, " **What are you doing? Sit up Dean**!" Looking at Bobby confused, Dean sat up, having no idea what was going to happen, " **I'm not going to hurt you**."

" **Why not? I deserve it** ," There was so much lack of self-worth in Dean's voice that it nearly broke Bobby's heart, the next time he saw John Winchester, he was going to pay for doing this to Dean.

" **No, you don't Dean, stop saying that, it's not true**." Finally, a single tear fell down the teen's cheek, Bobby quickly pulled Dean to his chest, wrapping his arms around Dean, comforting him as he broke down. When Dean finally calmed down, Bobby let him go, and after Dean composed himself he got out of the truck and headed into the school.

 


	2. "Hi my name is.."

Walking through the doors of the High school, Dean shoved his hands in the pockets of the jeans, changing his demeanor. No one was going to see how much he hurt. Fuck the looks they gave him, and fuck what they thought about Dean being so beat up, he would just give them a cocky little smirk and say, " **You should see the other guy**."

Finding Sam in the office already filling out the paperwork for them both, Dean carefully sat in the chair next to him and grabbed the paper Sam had written his name on and started filling it out on his own.

" **Dean**?" Sam started talking but was quickly interrupted.

" **I swear to god Sam, if you ask me if I'm okay, I'm going to deck you. I'm fine, now drop it**." For once his little brother listened to him, dropped the subject, and continued to fill out the paperwork. When they were done with the paperwork, the brothers waited to get their class schedules and lockers before leaving the office. 

Walking Sam to his class, Dean separated from his little brother to look for his own. It was already in session when he found the right room and walked inside, handing the piece of paper to the teacher, who looked it over before he spoke.

"  **Alright class, we have a new student. Would you like to introduce yourself? "**

 **"My name is Dean Winchester** ," he complied, looking at the students sitting at their desks.

" **Would you like to tell us anything about yourself**?" Dean shook his head walking away from the teacher and down the aisle of desks finding an empty seat and taking it. As Dean slouched in his seat, the teacher continued on with his lesson, which Dean really didn't care much to pay any attention too; not when a few desks down on the right side of him sat a dark haired brunette male who kept glancing at Dean over his shoulder.  ** _Is he looking at me?_** Dean wondered, looking at the students that sat on each side of him. _ **Why would he be looking at me? It doesn't take that many times to see how busted up I am... I don't need his** **sympathy**_. Dean squirmed uncomfortably in his seat when the kid looked at him again, staring directly at him and no one else, _**Maybe...**_ Dean bit his lower lip, fear churning in his stomach, making him feel sick, **_Could he actually be looking at me and know that the bruises and cuts littering my face are not just from some random fight?_** Dean found himself sinking into bright blue eyes and it sent a shock straight through him.  _ **Could he...could he really be looking at** **me?**_  It seemed impossible and when the kid looked away again, Dean shook his head, riding those thoughts from his mind,  ** _There's nothing special about me, he can have anyone he wants, why the_ _hell..._** Before Dean could finish the thought, those blue eyes found his own green ones and he could have sworn he saw the hint of a small shy smile on the other male's lips before he looked away once more.

When he glanced over again, Dean winked at the other guy and watched his cheeks flush red before looking away much faster than he had before. When the bell rang, Dean carefully stood up, trying to keep the boy in sight. More and more students crowded in front of him, making it harder to keep track of the other male. 

" **Excuse me** ," frustrated Dean started pushing his way through the students making it out of the classroom and in the hall, but the other male was long gone. " **Damn** ," with an irritated sigh, Dean figured he would run into the other male sooner or later, but he wasn't going to dwell on it. There were plenty of other guys and girls at the school to flirt with; on the other hand maybe Dad was right about no one wanting to be with him. Taking off, instead of looking for the guy from the classroom or anyone else, he looked for his next class, wanting the day to end so he could leave. 

* * *

 

At lunch, Dean found Sam in the cafeteria and joined him at the table, " **You liking this place so far**?"  **  
**

" **Yeah, the teachers seem nice, and I've met a few people. How about you Dean**?" He shrugged his shoulders lightly, again looking for the guy from his first class. He knew he shouldn't be so hung up over some guy just because the other smiled at him, but for some reason, Dean just couldn't stop thinking about him, looking for him just to get lost in those warm blue eyes again. 

"  **It's not bad** ," Dean picked at his lunch, taking a few bites when Sammy shot a look at him. When Sam's friends decided to join the brothers at the table, Dean took the opportunity to get out of there, knowing that his little brother wouldn't cause a scene in the middle of the cafeteria, but he would hear about it after school. He even ignored dad's voice in the back of his head, yelling at him for leaving Sam alone with strangers, was he sure they weren't demons disguising themselves so they could get close to Sam and take him? No, not everyone was out to get them, not everyone was an enemy, and Sam knew how to defend himself. He didn't always need Dean around to do his fighting for him.

Rubbing his temples, Dean headed out of the lunch room looking for somewhere more quiet to stop the pounding of his head.

A hand grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled Dean off to the side, pressing him against a wall. 

 

 


	3. The Blue Eyed Boy

Those blue irises were back, pulling Dean deep into their warmth and negating his pounding head completely.  " **Dean** ," The way his name sounded coming from the others lips sent a shudder through his body, but it wasn't one of fear and that surprised him. " **I'm Castiel and I was sent here to help you**." The connection broke suddenly and Dean shoved the other off him.

" **What do you mean you were sent here to help me? Sent from where**?!" Fear and shock swirled in his stomach as he moved away from the wall, slowly stepping away from the other male, prepared to run away, " **I don't need your help with anything**!" Just as Dean was about to take off Castiel grabbed his shoulder, shocking him and making him freeze in place.  **  
**

"  **I was sent from Heaven** ," the other male sounded so serious, but Dean couldn't help but to think this was all a joke. Sarcastically he remarked:

" **You think you were Heaven sent**?" Castiel tilted his head at Dean, a confused look on his face.

" **No, Dean. I mean I'm an angel of the lord and I was sent from Heaven to help you."**

" **Yeah...okay** ," Dean said slowly, his mind reeling from fear that Castiel was crazy and possibly dangerous.  " **If you say so**...." He had never been so happy to hear the school bell ring in his life. " **Listen, I..uhh...I got to get to class now, we can talk about this another time**." Dean said slowly pulled away from Castiel, taking off down the hall as fast as he could manage to run. He couldn't believe he had actually managed to get the attention of someone so crazy. Just his luck. That was the very last thing he needed right now. Once Dean had gotten as far away as he could from Castiel, he stopped running, clutching onto his ribs that throbbed painfully and placed his hand on a nearby wall. He was breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath, closing his eyes.

" **Dean**?" Sam's voice caught his attention and Dean opened his eyes to look up at his little brother, lost for words. "  **Dean, you don't look so good. You should call Bobby and go home**."

" **Sammy**...." Before Dean could protest, his little brother grabbed the cell phone out of the pocket of his jacket and after finding Bobby in the list of contacts, Sam made the call. Fear clenched in Dean's chest, hoping that Sam wouldn't be interrupting anything important that Bobby was doing, he didn't want to be a burden, but more importantly he didn't want Bobby angry at him.

" **Bobby, it's Sam. Dean's not doing so good, can you come pick him up**?" Sam paused waiting for Bobby to answer his eyes avoiding looking at his older brother and keeping out of his reach so he wouldn't take the phone away. " **Thanks, Bobby, I'll make sure Dean will be waiting for you out front**." Sam hung up and stuffed the phone in his pocket to make sure Dean wouldn't call Bobby and try to talk his way out of coming home. " **Come on Dean, Bobby said he would be here in a few minutes**." The look on his little brother's face told Dean there was no way he was going to win if he started an argument and he considered what would be worse; leaving with Bobby, or sticking around and running into Castiel again. Admittedly, Dean could handle the abuse; straightening himself up, Dean moved away from the wall, Sam tried to grab his arm and he shoved him away. 

"  **I don't need your help, Sammy**."

" **You do Dean, stop being such a jerk and let me help you for once**." It wasn't Sammy's job to help Dean, it was supposed to be the other way around. It was strange when the roles were reversed and Dean was certain that he didn't like this at all. As Dean walked with Sam, he couldn't help but remember what happened that last time he had to come home from school because he was sick.

* * *

_Dean was sick to his stomach in the nurses room, a bucket was held in his hands so he could throw up in it if he needed, which he had a few times already. The nurse had already called dad to come pick him up, and now he was just waiting._

_" **Your father is here** ," Dean looked up at the women and slid off the plastic bed, giving her the bucket before he left the office, Dad was waiting on the other side of the door, and Dean could tell that he was upset about being there._

_" **Let's go, Dean** ," Dad said through gritted teeth, holding back the rage the best that he could, even if the nurse didn't catch it, Dean did and that was all that mattered. When they got outside of the school and to the Impala, Dad laid into him. " **I was so close to finding a vampire's nest Dean, they know I was after them, probably left now. All because of you? Some other town is going to suffer losing their loved ones; I hope you're happy**."_

_" **I'm sorry dad** ," Dean sniffles and coughed harshly, his chest wracking painfully as he grabbed on the Impala for support and gagged on some puke._

_" **Sorry don't cut it, Dean** ," Dad said harshly as he opened the driver's door, " **Don't throw up in the car**." Dean opened his own door once he had gathered himself together and slid into the seat next to Dad, closing the door before buckling his seat belt. Closing his eyes,  Dean fell asleep leaned up against the door of the Impala, waking up with a start when the door was opened on him and he was looking up at dad. _

_" **Get out** ," Dad told him darkly. Trembling from the fever and fear, Dean unbuckled himself and Dad grabbed him by the arm yanking him out of the Impala ruthlessly.  Dean's head spun and couldn't hold back the puke that came flying up his throat and out of his mouth covering the ground. " **Now look at what you did, Dean**."_

_" **I'm sorry** ," Dean repeated his eyes watering with tears, not understanding why dad was so mad at him, he couldn't help that he was sick. A blow to the gut took what little air he had out of him and Dean fell to a knee, coughing again but his time harder as he gasped for air in between._

_" **Stop apologizing, it's pathetic** ," Dad sneered grabbing Dean by the back of his neck and yanked him to his feet, dragging him to the room they were staying in at the motel._

* * *

 

 

The bright light of the sun shined in Dean's eyes breaking him free of the memory as he walked outside with Sam; Bobby's truck was already there waiting on him. 

" **I'll see you after school Dean, take it easy on yourself okay**?" Dean nodded at his little brother and before he could stop him, Sam hugged him hard, forcing a cry of pain to leave his lips. " **Dean, I'm so sorry...I..I didn't mean too**..."

" **I..it's okay Sammy..I kn..know you didn't mean too...** " Dean stammered softly, " **I'll see you after school**." Ruffling Sam's hair, Dean got into Bobby's truck and buckled up, waiting for him to start laying into him like dad had.

 


	4. Party crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Red Riding Hood by the Brothers Grimm.

" **Never should have sent you to school in the first place** ," Bobby said with a sigh; he sounded upset, and Dean automatically assumed that Bobby was upset with him. It didn't even cross Dean's mind that Bobby was upset because Dean was in pain. Scooting as far away as he could from Bobby, even though he realized that it didn't make much of a difference, he braced himself for the pain that was sure to come. Bobby's hand shot out and Dean's eyes widened as he flinched, but the hand rested gently on his shoulder. He felt himself tense, his mind reeling with shock and confusion.

" **Hey, Dean, relax I already told you I'm not going to hurt you. You don't have to worry about that**." Dean wished he could believe that, but he couldn't. He would screw up somehow, he always screwed up, and it always ended up in pain. " **Just 'cause you had to come home early doesn't mean your birthday party is going to be early, still have to wait for Sam to come home**."

" **Birthday party**?" Dean looked at Bobby confused.  ** _Why the hell would he waste his time on a stupid birthday party? I'm not a kid anymore, I don't need a damn_**   _ **party**_. 

" **Yeah, pie, gifts, the whole nine yards**."  _ **  
**_

" **You don't have to do that Bobby** ," The breaks screeched as Bobby pulled the truck over and came to a stop before he turned on Dean, and their in Bobby's eyes was the anger Dean knew he had hidden away. 

" **I'm not going to repeat myself boy, I don't give two shits what you think I should do and don't have to do. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it and you're just going to have to deal with it**." Frightened, Dean stared at Bobby, swallowing back the fear.

" **O-okay Bobby** ," Dean stammered apologetically. Bobby turned the truck's ignition and drove back onto the road, continuing to his house, with both of them riding in silence the rest of the way.  **  
**

Opening the door when they arrived at Bobby's house, Dean carefully got out of the truck and closed the door behind him and headed into the house with Bobby on his heels.

" **I want you to take it easy until Sam gets off school, go upstairs and relax. I got some things I have to do**." Dean felt a rush of relief when Bobby let him go without being punished. Relieved and shocked. Dean managed to nod his head at Bobby, emotionally exhausted and headed up the stairs holding onto the bannister for support. Going to the room he was staying in, Dean went to the bed and laid down with a groan and closed his eyes, falling asleep quickly.

* * *

  _" **Soon afterwards the wolf knocked and cried: 'Open the door, grandmother, I am Little Red Riding Hood, and am bringing you some cakes.' But they did not speak, or open the door, so the grey-beard stole twice or thrice round the house, and at last jumped on the roof, intending to wait until Red Riding Hood went home in the evening, and then to steal after her and devour her in the darkness. But the grandmother saw what was in his thoughts. In front of the house was a great stone trough, so she said to the child: 'Take the pail, Red Riding Hood; I made some sausages yesterday, so carry the water in which I boiled them to the trough.' Red Riding Hood carried until the great trough was quite full. Then the smell of the sausages reached the wolf, and he sniffed and peeped down, and at last stretched out his neck so far that he could no longer keep his footing and began to slip, and slipped down from the roof straight into the great trough, and was drowned. But Red Riding Hood went joyously home, and no one ever did anything to harm her again....The end**." Dean closed the book after finishing the tale of Little Red Riding Hood and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed in the motel, " **Night Sammy**. ' _ _  
_

_" **Aw, can't you read it again Dean**?" His little brother pleaded pouting his lower lip out at Dean who only shook his head and rolled his eyes. _

_" **No, Sam. Not tonight, it's already late**."_

_" **Dad's not here though."**_

_" **Yeah, so**?"_

_" **It's your birthday.  He should have been here**." Dean sighed at his little brother and pulled the covers up to his chin. _

_" **I'm sure Dad has a good reason, stop worrying and go to sleep. Dad's fine**." Sam thankfully believed him and not long after Dean had turned out the light, Sam had fallen asleep.  While Sam slept Dean began to wash the dishes Sam used to eat dinner when he heard a key in the lock, quickly he went to Dad's bed and pulled the gun out from under the pillow, just in case it was someone trying to break in._

_" **Dad**..." Dean breathed out quietly when he realized who it was and lowered the gun to his side, a little relieved, but still on edge. _

_" **What are you doing with that gun Dean?** " Dad asked his voice low so he wouldn't wake Sammy. _

_" **I thought someone was trying to break in** ," Dean explained before putting the gun down and turned away from Dad to finish the dishes. Suddenly,  Dad was behind him pressing up against him, and Dean's mind began to reel wondering what he could have done now  and was that alcohol he smelled? Dad ran a hand up Dean's shoulder,  and he shuddered in fear wondering what the hell he was doing and why he was being so gentle.  _

_" **I got something special for you for your birthday, Dean**." A gasp left his mouth and before he could make another sound, Dad's hand pressed over his lips, and he rubbed his cock against Dean's ass before pulling off his pants._

* * *

 

"  **Dad, stop**!" Dean bolted up on the bed panting heavily, his heart racing and he ran his hand through his hair, glad when he realized it was only a dream.

" **Hello, Dean** ," Looking over, Dean found Castiel in his room, standing next to the bed looking down at him. " **What were you dreaming about**?"

" **Castiel**?" He asked confused, ignoring the question. " **What the hell are you doing here? How did you even know where I was? How did you get in my room**?"

" **I told you. I'm an angel, I know everything about you. I'm here to help**."


	5. Make a wish

" **You need to leave, now**." Dean was still shaken by the nightmare, and he couldn't handle having some crazy person that thought he was an angel in his room.  ' _ **How the hell did he even get in my room**_?' Dean glanced to the window and saw that it was still closed and even locked from the inside. ' _ **What's going on**_?'

" **Let me**...." Castiel began and Dean pulled a gun from under the bed aiming it at him. The angel tilted his head knowing the weapon would do him no harm. 

" **I. Said. Leave. Before I shoot you, you crazy son of a bitch**." Looking at Dean sadly, Castiel decided that he would leave as Dean asked, and try later to reach out to him. What sounded like large wings flapping filled the room and suddenly Castiel was gone, Dean blinked and looked around in fear.  _ **What the hell is happening to me? Am I going crazy?**_ Dean slid to the ground, pulling his legs to his chest and folded his arms over them. He laid his head down on top of his arms fighting back the tears and closed his heavy eyes.

_Dad had him pinned against the sink, the counter digging into his chest, his screams muffled under Dad's calloused hands._

Quickly Dean snapped his head up, opening his eyes with a gasp and shook his head.

" **Dean**?" Sam's voice came from down the stairs. Wiping his face carefully, Dean picked himself up off the ground and left the room, looking at his little brother from the top of the stairs. " **Come down here, we got you something special**!" Dean's stomach turned at the word making him shudder. Though he felt disgusted, he faked a smile for Sammy.

 " **Can't wait**..." It felt wrong to lie to his little brother, but Sammy looked so happy, he didn't want to ruin it. Holding on the banner for support, Dean slowly made his way down the stairs down to his little brother.

" **Close your eyes**."

" **Do I have too**?" He was afraid if he closed his eyes the memories would come back again. 

" **Please Dean, just for a minute**?" Looking into Sam's pleading eyes, Dean felt his heart melt and he just couldn't keep saying no to him.

" **Okay Sammy,  I'll close my eyes**..." Sam took a hold of Dean's hand as he closed his eyes, leading the way.

_" **Keep quiet, you wouldn't want to wake Sammy**." Dad hissed into his ear, the smell of alcohol intruded his nose. Dad removed his hand from Dean's mouth grabbing his hips, thrusting into Dean slowly. _

_" **Dad, please**..." The hand clamped over his mouth and Dad rammed harshly into Dean, muffling the scream under his hand._

Sam let go of Dean's hand,"  **You can open your eyes now**." Without hesitating, Dean opened his eyes and was surprised when he saw what Sammy and Bobby had done for him. A large apple pie lay in the middle of the table while a few gifts wrapped in newspaper lay beside it. As Sammy and Bobby sang Dean happy birthday, his cheeks flushed a bright red, and tears welled in his eyes. Blowing the candle out, that rested in the middle of the pie, Dean made a wish. **  
**

_I wish Dad will never come back and I don't have to suffer anymore..._


	6. Guns are dangerous to play with

" **Let's take your new gun out and have some fun with it** ," Bobby suggested placing a hand gently on Dean's shoulder, ignoring the flinch that came from him. Dean nodded his head and led the way, looking back at Sammy.

" **You coming**?" Sam shook his head and said:

" **I got homework to do** ," Dean scoffed lightly.

" **You can do it later, come on Sammy**." Sam stubbornly continued to refuse until Dean let it go and walked out of the house with Bobby. They were gathering cans as they entered the junkyard together and Dean was flinching from pain every time he leaned over to pick up a can. He forced himself to ignore the fact that Bobby was watching him the whole time. 

" **I ain't stupid boy..If you're not up to this, just say so**."

" **I can handle it, Bobby**!" Dean didn't mean to snap, but Bobby had no idea what he was capable of, it didn't matter how much he hurt.

" **Don't yell at me, boy**!" Bobby snapped back, his arms crossing in front of his chest, the two of them staring each other down. Something seemed off, the wind had stopped blowing and Bobby seemed too still.

" **We need to talk, Dean** ," The voice came from behind him and Dean turned around seeing Castiel standing there. Fear swirled around inside Dean as he stared at the other male.

" **Yeah, I know you're an angel, blah..blah..you already told me. What did you do to Bobby**? " 

" **Bobby will be fine, he's just frozen for a** **minute,** "Castiel explained, " **You don't believe me**..." Castiel pointed out obviously, " **I can assure you, I'm as real as any of the monsters you have seen**." Before Dean could demand that Castiel prove it, the sky darkened suddenly and the rumble of thunder could be heard. As lightning struck Dean could see the shadowy black wings extending from Castiel's back. When the sky returned to normal and the wings were no longer visible, for a minute Dean just stared lost for words, and still slightly convinced he was going crazy.

" **Why now**?" It was the first words that even came to mind once the shock had passed, Castiel tilted his head confused before he asked:

" **What do you mean**?"

" **I mean why now? Why not come when I actually needed help?  When you could have stopped**..." Dean trailed off as he started shaking his head. **  
**

" **Does it matter**?" Castiel asked, voice serious and Dean stared at him incredulously, now becoming very angry.

" **Of course it matters**!" Dean glared at the angel that stared at him like he wasn't understanding a damn thing he was saying, " **" **Just go away... I don't need you**." ** Just like that Castiel was gone and everything went back to normal around him.

" **I just want to make sure you are alright, Dean,** " Bobby said, his tone lower, and he spoke more calmly now as if he had no idea what had just happened. 

"I am fine, Bobby, can we just forget about it for a few minutes and have some fun?" Dean asked, nearly pleading with Bobby. Bobby nodded his head and they continued setting up the cans on the hood of a busted down Toyota Tundra, Dean returned to Bobby and shot each can down, imaging some as Dad and others as Castiel. 

" **How does it feel**?" Bobby asked him, cutting through the tension.

" **It's not too bad, could use a little more weight, but it fires fine**." Bobby extended his hand and Dean handed over the gun so he could try it out, and after a couple of shots he lowered the weapon. 

" **I see what you mean about the weight, but it's not too bad**." It was starting to get late now,"  **Come on let's go inside and have something to eat before we cut into the pie**." Dean agreed, even though he wasn't feeling up to eating, he knew that he wouldn't be winning that argument. Bobby went out of his way, cooking up hamburger patties and French fries, knowing that Dean had once considered it his favorite meal.

It was difficult to force feed himself, Dean's stomach lurched with both hunger and disgust, and he nearly threw up a few times. Even the pie that was so delicious had become Dean's enemy by the time he was finished. Finally, it was over and it was time for bed. Naturally, and out of habit Dean followed Sammy to his room waiting for his little brother to get in bed before tucking him in.

" **Good night, Sammy**."

" **Night Dean, happy birthday**." Dean left the room, softly closing the door behind him before going to the room he was staying in and shutting the door behind him. He stared at the bed with regret, he couldn't handle the nightmares again, and he didn't know how he could stop them. Looking at the gun in his hand, Dean lifted it up,  ** _Maybe there is a way to put a stop to this_ all**...

Putting the gun to his temple, Dean put his hand on the trigger and closed his eyes. His finger twitched once, twice, and he pressed. Before he could pull the trigger back completely, the gun was suddenly pulled from his head and out of his hand.

" **Dean, stop. That won't solve anything**!" Castiel was back and now he had Dean's gun in his hand.

" **Give me one good reason** ," Dean sneered trying to take the gun back, but Castiel refused to let him have it and suddenly it was gone. 

" **You're brother. How would killing yourself make your brother feel**?" Dean froze, he hadn't even thought of Sam, looking at the ground he chewed on his lips. 

" **I just want the nightmares to stop. I want to eat without feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be afraid that someone's going to hurt me. I don't want to...hallucinate some boy who claims to be an angel...I just...I want to be normal**!"

" **You will..you have to heal first** ," Cas whispered and when he reached out for Dean, the human flinched. He placed two of his fingers on Dean's forehead he knocked him out, taking the nightmares away.


	7. You left me here alone.

Lifting Dean into his arms, Castiel carried Dean to the bed and lay him down covering him with the comforter. Castiel watched Dean sleep for awhile and ran a hand through his hair, " **Sweet dreams Dean**." Pulling his hand away, Castiel stepped away from the sleeping teen and with a flutter of his wings, he disappeared once more.

* * *

 

The sun woke Dean from the most peaceful sleep he had ever known. Pushing himself out of bed, a groan left his lips as he moved his aching body, and he was left wondering how much longer this was going to affect him until it just finally faded away. Peeking into Sammy's room, fear hitched up in his chest finding the bed empty.

" **No, no, no, no!  Sammy**!" Running out of the room and down the stairs, Dean yelled out, " **Bobby? Bobby where's Sam**?" Bobby looked up at him from a book, a look of confusion on his face. Fear churned in his stomach and Dean began to fret that he had been taken by demons again and it would be all his fault because he didn't hear anything happen, because he wasn't there to keep him safe.

" **Sam went to school Dean** ," Bobby said calmly, and a rush of relief went through Dean knocking the adrenaline the fear had given him right out of him and he had to grab on the wall for support. " **Are you alright**?" Dean slowly nodded his head, pushing himself from the wall, trying to calm his racing heart. " **Didn't bother waking you. After yesterday,  I figured you could use another day to rest**." Dean barely heard what Bobby had said but nodded his head anyway, "  **Are you hungry**?" Dean shook his head walking away from Bobby, heading outside for some fresh air, ignoring the feeling of Bobby's eyes burning into his back. 

 Closing the door, Dean inhaled the fresh crisp air of January and walked off the porch going into the heaps of broken down cars in Bobby's junkyard. Picking a car, it didn't matter which one, Dean started working on it, trying to distract himself from feeling the pain.

 _" **You rather fix cars than save lives**?" _ Dean ignored Dad's voice that yelled at him from the back of his mind. Leaving the car for a minute to grab a box of tapes Dad had left at Bobby's a while back to hold onto, Dean grabbed one of the Metallica ones and popped it into the car's tape player, cranking up the volume and pressing play. He was hoping the music would drown dad's voice out... Getting back to work Dean hummed along with the songs, pushing away the voice in the back of his mind and the pain.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, making Dean nearly jump out of his skin. He whirled around on his heels to face Bobby. " **Turn the music down**!" Bobby released Dean's shoulder going around the car and punched the volume knob. " **Jesus Dean, people were calling and complaining**!"

" **I - I'm sorry Bobby** ," Dean stammered softly flinching when Bobby's hand moved, but it was only to rub his forehead under his hat. 

 " **Just...think things through before you do them next time** ," Bobby said with a sigh before walking away from Dean heading back inside. 

_" **Keep screwing up and he will turn against you too, that's what you do to people Dean**." _

_" **Shut up**!"_  Dean shouted at the voice in his head, throwing the wrench in his hand towards the car, shattering the front windshield. 

" **Dean** ," Castiel's voice was back making Dean shake his head. He pushed back the tears that welled in his eyes. 

" **Go away, just leave me alone**..." Dean said quietly, not looking Castiel in the eyes; those piercing blue eyes made him feel something he couldn't explain, something that scared him, but it was not the same fear he felt with his dad. **  
**

" **I can't do that, Dean**..." Castiel began, only to have Dean cut him off.

" **Of course you can**!" Big mistake, Dean had turned around and those blue eyes swept him away," **You left me alone for years**."

"  **I know, but I won't do that again** ," Castiel said sincerely,  his voice saddened.  " **It wasn't my decision to make about when I came to you. If it was I would've come sooner**." When had Castiel stepped closer to him? Dean hadn't noticed until that moment just how close they were.  

 _" **You actually going to buy that bullshit, Dean? I didn't think you were that fucking gullible**_." Dad's voice asked from the back of his mind, but he ignored it.

" **Who's choice was it**?" Dean asked keeping his tone level, but he could hear his own anger. 

" **My father's**."

" **Your father's**?"

" **Yes..The one you call God. He's my father and he chooses when we intervene**." Dean ran a hand through his hair; he was confused and didn't understand this at all. "  **I know what happened to you. I'm here to make sure it won't happen again, and that you will not hurt yourself either. There are big plans for you Dean**."

" **What does that mean**?" Dean asked, but Castiel had taken off again, leaving him alone in the middle of the junkyard as Sammy came walking up to him, just getting home from school. Putting on a smile, Dean walked over to his little brother, putting an arm around his shoulders, " **Hey Sammy, how was school**?"

" **It was alright, how are you feeling Dean**?" Sammy sounded so worried and all Dean had to do was give him some comfort, even if it wasn't the truth.

" **Better Sammy. Come on, let's go inside and get you a snack**." His little brother smiled at him, the worry leaving his face as Dean led him into Bobby's house. " **What do you want**?"

" **An apple** ," Dean raised an eyebrow and chuckled lightly grabbing an apple out of the fridge and handed it to Sammy. Ruffling his hair, Dean left Sam to eat his apple going to find where Bobby was so he could tell him that Sam was home for school. 


	8. The Smell of alcohol

As Dean entered the study he was overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol.

_Dean carried a bag of groceries in his arm as he approached the door of the motel, using the key to unlocking the door. Dean had given Sammy permission to stay over the night with a friend that he had made and expected to walk into an empty room. The first thing Dean noticed was the aroma that filled the room; it confused him to smell alcohol until he saw who it was coming from. Dad sat there at the table, a half-filled bottle in hand, and empty bottles littering the table and even spilled onto the ground._

_" **Where's Sam**?" Was the first thing out of Dad's mouth, and Dean closed the door behind him, building up the confidence to answer the question, being careful on how he was going to word what he was going to say. _

_" **Sam wanted to stay the night at a friends house, I didn't think it would be a problem** ," Dean explained as he walked across the room and cleared some room on the table for the bag of groceries,  throwing the empty beer bottles into an empty grocery bag that was laying around from when he went shopping last. " **Wh..When did you get here**?" Dean asked hesitantly,  his words stammering from fear. Reaching to grab an empty bottle in front of dad, his wrist was grabbed by dad and Dean was pulled over to him. **  
**_

" **Dean**?!" Bobby's voice pulled Dean out of the memory and back into the study, and he took a minute to compose himself. " **Everything okay**?"  _Was that actually concern in Bobby's tone_? Dean thought to himself taken aback even more, having a hard time shaking it all off, and finding his voice.

" **Yeah..everything's fine. Sammy is back from school** ," Dean said when he finally found his voice, abruptly leaving the room after he had managed to get the words out. Even trying to get as far away from the smell as fast as he could, the memory continued to crash back into his thoughts, leaving him unable to control it, or even stop it.

_Dad bent Dean's arm painfully, threatening to break it a pained whine left Dean's lips, " **Dad...please...let go..you're hurting me**." Pleading onto deaf ears, Dean wasn't even sure what he had done wrong this time. Suddenly, a sear of pain shot through his arm as a pop could be heard, and a scream came from Dean's lips. It wasn't broken, but Dad had completely dislocated his arm. _

_Dean barely registered that Dad grabbed his_ _oth_ _er_ _arm, when the pain came he fought back, kicking at Dad doing what he could to stop this from happening. Nothing Dean did actually made  any difference,  in fact, all it did was make Dad even angrier. Dad ruthlessly slammed Dean against the table knocking the breath out of  him and snapped his other arm out of its socket too._

_Dean stumbled over his own feet as Dad dragged him away from the counter, throwing him on the bed on his stomach, Dean tried to move but the pain from his arms was too much, and Dad was too quick for him. All Dean could do now was block out what Dad was doing to him with that beer bottle and his cock, his sobs muffled in the pillow._

" **Dean**!" Castiel's voice broken him free of the memory and Dean was left in a daze. He had somehow made it to his room, and Castiel held a knife in his hand and just like the gun he had taken from Dean, it too disappeared. As Dean collapsed, Castiel was quick to catch him pulling the teen into his chest. He lowered them to the ground, listening to Dean sob, feeling him tremble and clutch onto Castiel's shirt.

Rocking Dean in his arms the angel attempted to comfort the human," **It's okay Dean...everything's okay...he can't hurt you anymore. I'm here now.** " Castiel ran his hand through Dean's hair, trying to settle him down; this wasn't the boy Castiel knew, Dean was a strong person, dealing with what his father did to him, while caring for his little brother. It broke Castiel's heart seeing Dean like this.

Dean focused on the warmth that radiated off of Castiel, swallowing up the pain and sadness that overwhelmed him. Dean needed more of that warmth, just some sort of affection to fill the gaping hole of sadness. Dean didn't even think it through, he just acted. Raising his head from Castiel's chest, Dean took a hold of Castiel's cheek with his hand, moving upward to press their lips together. 

Their lips softly brushed together and suddenly Castiel was moving, shoving Dean off of him and standing quickly to his feet. " **Dean...I...we..we can't do that. It's forbidden.  Not only are you human, but you're another man...I'm sorry**." Castiel's wings fluttered and he was gone, leaving Dean staring at the void where Castiel once stood, the sadness taking ahold of him again as he realized once more he had been left there alone to comfort himself.

The door to Dean's room flew open, making Dean jump out of his skin and shove to his feet, meeting Bobby's eyes. " **Didn't you hear your brother? Time to eat, let's go.  You haven't eaten all day, so don't give that crap you ain't hungry**." Calming his racing heart, Dean lets out a relieved sigh, glad that it was only Dinner that had brought Bobby to his room, even though his stomach churned with disgust. He knew better not to argue though.

" **Coming Bobby...** " Dean said softly, but Bobby didn't seem like he was going to budge until Dean actually started heading out of the room,  with Bobby following closely behind.


	9. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a transition chapter...so just bear with me.

Dean felt swallowed by a numb feeling accompanied by only sadness and pain. Picking at the food on his plate, solemnly staring at the food before him.  _ **What was I thinking trying to kiss him?**_ Dean scolded to himself, swallowing a small bite to keep Bobby and Sam happy. He could feel them staring at him, making sure that he was eating.  ** _I wish they would stop staring at me_**. Dean choked down the meal, glad to finish it off and put the plate in the sink before heading up to his room, his eyes heavy from exhaustion. Stopping at the top of the stairs when he heard Bobby and Sam talking amongst themselves. 

" **How long is he going to be like this Bobby**? Sammy asked. 

" **I don't know Sam, we just got to be here for him, when he does decide to talk about it. Can't force Dean to do it, just got to wait for him to be ready**." Dean didn't listen to the rest of the conversation, instead he went to his room and closed the door behind him resting his back against the door. 

There was no way in hell he was going to tell them, especially Sammy, he already knew too much and Dean didn't want his little brother subjected to any more of the details. Pushing off from the door, Dean walked across the room and laid down on the bed, trying to get some sleep.

* * *

 

When Castiel was sure that Dean wouldn't know he was there, he laid his fingers on Dean's forehead, taking away the nightmares. Caressing Dean's cheek, Castiel looked down on him sadly, " **I'm sorry Dean**." Castiel left after that, letting Dean get his rest.

* * *

 

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and with each passing day it seemed Dean was getting better. It started with the pain, on some days, if it was cold he would still stiffen up. The bruises faded away, and whatever cuts that didn't heal and vanish, became scars.  After that, Dean stopped flinching at Bobby's sudden movements, no longer scared or worried that he was going to hurt him. It took awhile for Dean to realize that Dad was the only one that hurt him.But after that the voice disappeared. The last thing that came back was his appetite, and it was no longer a war to keep him eating, but to keep him from eating. Castiel continued to watch over him, only going to Dean at night to take away the nightmares.  He couldn't risk getting too close to the human in his charge, his father wouldn't approve and he would send someone else to watch over Dean. Everything was going great until John Winchester came back into Sam and Dean's life.

 

 


	10. The return of John Winchester

It was a dreary November Sunday afternoon,  leaves that had changed their colors fell from the trees, as the heavy rain fell from the dark cloudy sky. Sam and Dean were in the living room playing some stupid board game that Sammy had chosen,  and Bobby was in the study helping a hunter dig up some lore on a monster they were hunting.

Dean heard the knock first and stood up from the table, " **I'll be right back Sammy**." Walking to the door, Dean opened it up his body instantly tensed meeting Dad's eyes.

" **Hello Dean** ," A small smile came to Dad's lips when he spoke sending a shiver of fear up Dean's spine, his mouth went dry and he was unable to find his voice to reply. 

" **What the hell are you doing here**?" Bobby's voice came from behind him, Dean was pulled back as Bobby stepped ahead of him, standing between Dean and Dad. " **Get the hell of my property!** " Sammy took Dean by the hand, pulling him in further into the house. " **I mean it, if you don't leave** ," Bobby began and grabbed a shotgun that lay off to the side near the doorway and aimed it at Dad. " **I'll shoot you myself**." Dad raised his hands in surrender backing down the steps of the porch. 

" **I only came to apologize** ," Dad said as he continued to back away, making his way to the Impala. 

" **Take your apology and shove it up your ass John** ," Bobby snapped, keeping the shotgun trained on Dad even after he had gotten into the car and turned the engine over, making sure he was completely out of sight before lowering the gun and putting it back before he closed the door. Bobby came straight for Dean, taking his cheeks into his hands looking him in the eyes. " **Dean? Look at me**!" Dean's eyes shifted,  locking with Bobby's, " **He's gone Dean, he's gone...and he won't ever lay another hand on you, do you hear me**?" Dean slowly registered what Bobby was telling him, still in shock, amazed how quickly the fear had come back after so long. 

Finally, after what seemed like hours to him, Dean felt himself nod his head, but his voice still wasn't working.  **  
**

" **Come on Dean, let's finish our game** ," Sammy tugged on his arm, attempting to snap him out of the trance. If anyone could do it, it was Sammy, no matter what Dean had going on he always pushed aside for Sammy's sake, and this time wasn't any different.  Though Dean still looked pale, he moved on his own, clearing his throat before he tried his voice.

" **O-okay S-Sammy**.." Dean stammered speaking quietly, allowing his little brother to drag him back into the living room. After all the progress Dean had made, in a single moment it had been torn away, there wasn't the same happiness Dean had earlier playing the game with Sam. He was purposely losing just so he could excuse himself to his room, could lock himself into isolation. 

 Dean didn't know that he wasn't truly alone; to the side of the room stood Castiel, invisible to the human eye. The angel had seen everything that had happened, and as much as he wanted too, he couldn't allow himself to comfort Dean this time. 

Dean had to get out of the house to clear his head, and get some fresh air. Bobby wouldn't have let him go, not alone, and Dean wanted to be left alone. Castiel didn't make himself known,  even as Dean opened the window and crawled out; in silence he followed Dean, keeping his distance. 

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Dean strode along the sidewalks not seeming to be bothered that the rain was drenching him and soaking his clothes. Castiel was called to heaven, and as much as it concerned him to leave Dean, but he couldn't ignore his father's command. He didn't have any other choice but to leave Dean alone and hope that his father wouldn't keep him long.

When Castiel left, Dean noticed a change in the atmosphere. Though he didn't know that the reason it seemed colder, or the fact that he felt more vulnerable, was because he no longer had an angel watching over him. 

Dean was a few blocks from Bobby's when he swore he heard the engine of the Impala. Looking around, he couldn't find the black Chevrolet,  ** _It was probably a car on the other street,_ _relax_**. Dean slowly exhaled trying to ease the tension in his body, which started to work until he heard footsteps splashing in the puddles of water on the sidewalk. 

Spinning around a blow from a fist landing on his face,  knocking him off balance and on the sidewalk, dazed from the punch. Dean felt himself pulled off the ground by his collar of his shirt and shoved into the back seat of a car. 


	11. This isn't the end.

Sam knocked on Dean's door, standing outside of the bedroom worried about his older brother, " **Dean? Hey Dean, are you**..." Sammy opened the door as he was talking, his voice faltering when he noticed that the room was empty, and Dean was gone. " **Bobby**!" Running from the open door and down the stairs to the study, " **Bobby, Dean's missing. I went to check on him and the room was empty, but his window was open**!"

" **Damn it, Dean** ," Bobby muttered under his breath and grabbed his keys off the desk and his coat from the hanger. " **Sam, I need you to stay here in case Dean comes back, and call me if he gets back before I do**." 

" **Okay Bobby** ," Sammy replied with a nod of his head, watching him take off the front door before he went upstairs to Dean's room, doing as Bobby told him.

* * *

 

Cas returned to the spot where he had left Dean and tried not to panic when he didn't find Dean there. Figuring that the human was just further ahead, he started searching the streets but he came up empty. Going back to Bobby's house all he found in Dean's room was his little brother Sammy by the window. There was only one place left he could've been. 

* * *

 The back doors locked around Dean as his vision began to focus and he instantly recognized the back seat of the Impala. 

" **I knew you would do something stupid**..." Dad sneered from the drivers seat, looking at Dean through the rear view mirror. Swallowing back the fear, Dean sat up adjusting himself in the seat, his face throbbing painfully.

" **Take me back to Bobby's** ," Dean managed to say, trying to hide whatever fear from dad, there was no response and Dean had to grab on the back of his seat when Dad made a sharp turn into a parking lot at a motel.

" **Either you do this the hard way or the easy way Dean, if you make a scene I will make sure you regret it. Or you get out of the car and you follow me to the room**." Dad popped open the door, getting out first, before unlocking the back door and opening it for Dean, those eyes daring him to try something stupid. Dean slid out of the car and dad grabbed his arm tightly and closed the door, leading him to a room and using a key to unlock the door before shoving Dean inside.

The door closed and Dean heard the lock click in place, " **Dad**..." Dean began, but the words were taken from his mouth when Dad punched him in the gut, taking him down to his knees. A yelp left Dean's lips as Dad grabbed him by the scalp, lifting his head using his free hand to bash his face in with his fist, letting go when Dean's face was covered in blood. " **Cas...** " Dean choked out as much as he could of the angels name, his mouth filled with blood, and before Dad could strike him again the angel appeared between them, grabbing dad by the throat and lifting him off the ground, dangling him in the air.

Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean on the ground,  drooling blood from his mouth. Dad choked as the grip tightened and Cas slid a blade into his hand from his sleeve and swiftly held it to Dad's throat, " **Listen very closely John Winchester, I could end your life with a snap of my fingers. The only reason I haven't is because I have decided to be merciful, just this once. If you continue to abuse Dean, or even start with Sam, I will come for you and you will be the one begging for mercy as I tear you apart limb from limb. Do you understand**?" Castiel's voice was dark and threatening, Dean had never seen him this way before,  and it actually scared him. 

" **Yes** ," Dad gasped out and Castiel released him, letting him crumple to the ground, coughing and gasping for air. Castiel walked over to Dean extending his hand to help him stand up, Dean took it and rose to his feet, his eyes never leaving the blue irises.   **  
**

" **You came...I didn't think you would...after what happened** ," Dean admitted, talking through swollen lips and Cas touched his face healing him.

" **Of course I came. I never left you, unless my father called for me. I thought it would be better if I watched over you from a distance, so it wouldn't be so hard**." Castiel said softly, backing away from Dean. 

" **What wouldn't be so hard**?" Just like that, Cas was gone and a Dean was no longer in the motel with Dad but back at Bobby's,  standing in the living room. 

 

That was the last time Dean saw of Castiel for a very long time....


	12. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five Finger Death Punch, "Lift me up"

It ain't no mystery  
I'm all I have left  
I'm pushing back and running you over

I've been thrown down run around  
Beaten 'til I hit the ground  
Telling you right now that it's over

There's no room for mistakes  
All the parts are in place  
Say what you will but say it to my face

Better back the fuck up  
Better shut the fuck up  
I'll do what I want and I'll never give up

I won't be broken  
I won't be tortured  
I won't be beaten down  
I have the answer  
I take the pressure  
I turn it all around

Lift me up above this  
The flames and the ashes  
Lift me up and help me to fly away  
Lift me up above this  
The broken the empty  
Lift me up and help me to fly away  
Lift me up

I'm gonna change history  
Enlighten the world  
Teach them how to see through my eyes

I'm gonna lash back check that  
Fatal as a heart attack  
Stomp out all the ugliest lies

You can't convince me to change  
We ain't on the same page  
I've had my fill now there's nothing but rage

Best get out of my way  
'Cause there's nothing to say  
Is that all that you got?  
Because I ain't got all day

I won't be broken  
I won't be tortured  
I won't be beaten down  
I have the answer  
I take the pressure  
I turn it all around

Lift me up above this  
The flames and the ashes  
Lift me up and help me to fly away  
Lift me up above this  
The broken the empty  
Lift me up and help me to fly away  
Lift me up

I won't be broken  
I won't be tortured  
I won't be beaten down  
I have the answer  
I take the pressure  
I turn it all around

Lift me up above this  
The flames and the ashes  
Lift me up and help me to fly away  
Lift me up above this  
The broken the empty  
Lift me up and help me to fly away

Lift me up to fly away  
Lift me up to fly away  
Lift me up.


	13. I remember everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean grow up with Bobby as their guardian and John never shows his face again. With the freedom Bobby has given the boys to make their own life choices, Sam goes on to become a lawyer and Dean a mechanic. Over the years he locked up the memories of what Dad had done to him, along with the memory of Castiel and eventually forgets about him until one night.....

Dean was the last one at the shop, working the overtime to fix up a family's minivan that was having some engine problems. He spent the entire day, and even the rest of the night, rebuilding the engine, not giving up until he had finished the job completely. Maybe Dean wasn't saving lives, but he was making a difference in someone's life and doing something he liked; that's all that mattered to him. After cleaning up the workplace and putting away the tools, Dean turned off the lights and locked the doors, closing up the shop. Rubbing at a sore area on the back of his neck, Dean groaned. He was ready to go home have a beer, take a shower, and go to bed.

On his eighteenth birthday, Dad had left the Impala out on Bobby's front lawn with the keys and title inside for him, Bobby wasn't too happy about it, but he didn't stop Dean from accepting the gift. Even if it was a the attempt of a desperate man to make some sort of amends towards Dean for what he had done. Dean was smart enough not to buy into it and did not make any attempt to contact Dad, not even to say 'thank you'. 

Pulling his key ring out of his pocket, Dean picked out the key for the Impala and stuck it into the lock. Just as he was about to unlock the door he heard a noise behind him and turned around, pulling a gun out from the inner pocket of his jumpsuit. Familiar blue eyes locked onto Dean, rattling open the forgotten memories of the angel before him. He was older now, and he wore a suit and tan trenchcoat.

" **Cas...**?" The name rolled off his tongue in a breath of air, confusion and shock consuming Dean.  _ **What is he doing here?**_ The question was meant to leave his lips, but they stuck inside his thoughts instead.

" **Hello Dean, it's good to see you again**." Castiel began with a small smile, " **I was sent because there is talk that you and your brother will be targeted by the enemies your dad has made**." The old protective instincts came rushing back through Dean's body as he scrambled to find his phone. 

" **Sammy's in danger**?!" Cas grabbed his hand keeping him from making the phone call.

" **Sam's fine, my father has sent my brother Gabriel to watch over him, as I am to watch over you**." Dean looked in those warm blue eyes knowing he could trust the angel and let the phone fall to his side. 

" **Why would they come after us? We have nothing to do with Dad** ," Dean said still trying to register that Sammy and himself were being hunted because of Dad. That Dad kept on putting them in danger even after everything he had already put them through. It made Dean angry.  

" **I'm not sure why, Dean. I was told very little information,  but I promise, nothing will happen to you or Sam**." Dean rubbed at his sore neck again, shaking his head lightly. 

"  **So what..you're going to follow me home and watch my every move until whatever or whoever it is comes for me? I may not be in the game anymore,  but I still know how to defend myself**." Dean pointed out bluntly,  and a little harsh. Last time Cas had come into his life when it was all done and over with, the angel had taken off on him. 

" **That may be true, but how can you defend yourself if you don't even know what is coming for you**?" Castiel shot back with the same amount of blunt tone that Dean had given the angel.

" **And how are you going to protect me any differently**?" A chuckle left Dean's lips as he shot back at the angel.

" **I'm an angel, I am much more powerful than you could imagine**." Dean rolled his eyes at the response with a scoff of disbelief.

" **Yeah okay...If you don't mind I'd like to go home now. I'm exhausted**." Cas tilted his head at Dean, watching him climb into the Impala and turn the engine over before driving off. The angel followed quickly behind, catching up to the human as he pulled into his parking spot outside of his apartment and after killing the engine Dean headed to his door. 

After unlocking the door,  Dean walked into the one bedroom apartment.  It wasn't much, but he lived alone, so it was good enough to call home. The walls were the color of eggshells and plastered with posters of bands and pictures of Sam, Bobby, and himself. In the living room, Dean had a small loveseat sitting behind a coffee table and a small TV set on top of the entertainment center. Adjoining the room was the kitchen, a small counter with a sink sat alongside the oven and a fridge was off to the side. It was by no means marvelous and Dean had to do his dishes by hand,  but it didn't bother him much. A small hall to the left lead to the bathroom and master bedroom. 

Locking the door behind him, Dean went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer from within. Closing the door with his foot, he popped the top off and turned around, jumping when he saw Cas in his apartment.  

" **I was joking when I asked if you were going to follow me home** ," he said before taking a swig from the beer, walking to the loveseat and sat down, kicking his feet up on the coffee table staring the angel down. 

" **I wasn't** ," was all Castiel said as he stood before the coffee table, looking down at Dean with that serious look of his. Dean sighed, far too tired to continue to argue and continued to drink until the bottle was empty. Getting up, Dean tossed the bottle into the trash and went to the bathroom to take a piss and hop in the shower and realized Cas was following him. 

" **Dude, personal space**." Castiel stopped and gave Dean a confused look but stayed back, even when the door closed in his face. As Dean took care of his business the angel looked around noticing that Dean had not been lying when it came to protecting himself. The windows had salt lines in them to ward off demons and ghosts alike, and Cas was sure if he looked under the human's pillow he would find a silver knife, or a gun with silver bullets in the chamber.

When Dean came out of the bathroom, he was covered only by the towel around his waist, his toned chest still glistening from the water. Castiel looked away, and Dean headed into his room, carrying his dirty laundry with him to put it into his hamper. As they half spilled over the top, Dean made a mental note that sometime tomorrow he needed to make a trip to the laundromat and wash his clothes.  Preferably before he had to go to work. 

Dean dried himself off and slid a pair of boxers on and flopped in his bed, figuring Cas would make himself comfortable on the couch, and soon fell into a deep sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

The feeling of being stared at woke Dean from his sleep, and upon opening his eyes he saw Castiel standing at the edge of his bed looking down at him. " **Dude...what the hell**?" He groaned tiredly,  wondering just how long Cas had been watching him sleep. Before he could ask, his cell phone started to ring. Reaching over, Dean picked up the phone and checked the caller I.D. and seeing Sam's name on the screen, he answered it quickly. " **Sammy, are you alright**?"

" **Yeah.sorta. Something strange happened last night** ," Dean glanced at Cas and knew that Sam was most likely talking about the brother Castiel had told him was sent to watch over Sam. " **Some guy appeared in my dorm room last night saying his name was Gabriel and he is an angel**." He heard the tone of disbelief in Sam's voice.

" **I know, same thing happened to me** ," Dean said carefully, trying to make it sound like he was just as surprised as his little brother. He had never told anyone about Cas, and he wasn't about to open that can of worms now.

" **Why would something come after us? Dad should be the one they focus on, he did this, not us**!" Sammy was just as upset as Dean was but know it was time for him to be the one that was sensible. 

" **You're preaching to the choir, Sammy.  Maybe whatever it is thought if it comes after us it will hurt Dad**."  **  
**

" **Obviously this thing doesn't know Dad all that well** ," an awkward silence fell between the brothers for a few minutes. 

" **Watch your back Sammy and keep close to Gabriel. You can trust him, and if anything happens, call me**." Dean hung up before Sam could pry and ask any more questions or bring up more of the past. Setting the phone on the nightstand next to the bed,  Dean turned his attention back to the angel at his bedside. " **How long have you been standing there**?"

" **I don't sleep, Dean**." Castiel pointed out,  it took a minute for Dean to understand the angel watched him all night, which creeped him out even more. 

Dean slid out of bed on the opposite side of where Cas was standing and got up to put some clothes on. With Dean's back turned to him, Castiel could still see the light scars that Dean's Dad had left behind. " **You never told Sam about me**?" The angel asked and for a minute Dean thought the angel was hurt, but looking at Cas over his shoulder he noticed Cas looked confused. 

" **I didn't tell Sam about a lot of things, don't take it personally.  He didn't need that weight on him**."

" **You didn't**?" Dean looked away when Cas had asked the question and put on his jeans.

" **I really don't want to talk about this, Cas**."He stated calmly, finding a shirt and pulling it on, covering up the old scars. He was starting to get upset with the angel and he couldn't help but finally lash out at him. " **How long are you going to stay this time?** "

" **Until you are safe from danger,** " Castiel remarked plainly, his eyes never leaving Dean even though the human refused to look him in the eyes at that moment. 

" **Well, at least you're not going to lie to me this time and tell me you're never leaving**." Dean grabbed a pair of socks from the door and used the bed to sit on and pull them on. It was hard to tell what Dean was feeling, he sounded detached from his emotions. Getting up, Dean walked out of his room looking around trying to figure out where the hell he left his shoes the night before. 

Once Dean found his shoes he went into the living room and sat on the couch to put on his shoes, and the angel was quick to follow after him. The two of them didn't say anything to each other, but Dean could feel Castiel's eyes on him.

" **Dean**.." Castiel began and the human stood to his feet holding up a hand prompting the angel to stop talking; he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Dean had already said what needed to be said, now it was time to drop it and move on. The angel didn't understand the gesture, " **It wasn't my choice**."

" **Yeah, I heard that line before** ," Dean stood up and went back to his room grabbing the hamper filled with dirty clothes. Grabbing his keys, Dean headed out the front door and locked up the apartment. Turning around, Dean jumped when he found Castiel outside standing by the Impala. It was going to take some time getting used to Cas popping up everywhere.

Loading the hamper into the back seat of Impala, Dean's phone rang from inside his pocket and pulled it out answering the phone after checking the caller I.D.  " **Hey sweetheart, I'm on my way over now**."


	15. Benny Lafitte

" **Are you working tonight**?" Benny Lafitte, Dean's boyfriend for the last three years asked from the other end of the line as Dean closed the door to the backseat and opened the driver's door. 

" **I have to drop in for a few minutes to give the minivan back to the family, after that, I'm all yours** ," Dean said smiling into his phone wondering what Benny could have in mind for them. 

" **Can't someone else hand them their keys**?" Benny drawled sounding upset and Dean slid into the driver's seat putting the key into the ignition and closed the door. 

" **And let them take credit for my work? I don't think so**." Benny sighed heavily on the other end of the line, " **It will be quick and easy, you can come with me if you want**." 

" **Just get that sweet ass over here** ," Benny hung up and after putting away his phone, Dean turned the engine over and drove off from his apartment,  driving to Benny's. Dean didn't worry whether or not Cas was still following him, a part of him just knew the angel was still there. Pulling up to Benny's apartment, Dean killed the engine and climbed out of the Impala. By this time next month, Dean and Benny would be living together. They had talked about it many times before, and now Dean was just waiting for his month to be up on his place before he made the rest of the move; most of his stuff was already at Benny's,  making moving day a lot easier on himself. Without knocking, Dean walked into the apartment.  

" **Hunny, I'm home**!" Dean called out jokingly closing the door behind him and Benny came out from the bedroom, and it looked like Dean had interrupted him putting on his police uniform. " **Hello officer, am I in trouble**?" Dean asked playfully, pulling Benny into a heated kiss that Benny eventually broke. **  
**

" **Keep that up and you will be** ," Benny remarked breathlessly, " **I got called in, by the time you get done with your errands, I should be done at the precinct**." 

" **Alright, I'm going to start some laundry before I take off. I'll see you later, keep the uniform on** ," Dean winked before he pulled Benny into a kiss, letting him finish getting ready to go as he went back put to the Impala to grab his dirty laundry out of the back seat. **  
**

" **I'm glad to see that you are happy now** ," Castiel said appearing at Dean's side as he closed the back door, holding the hamper under one arm. 

" **I am..is this thing that is after Sam and myself...do you know if it would come after Benny or Jessica**?" Dean asked worriedly, "  **I never told him about the hunting..or what happened and I would like to keep it that way**."

" **Who is Jessica**?" Dean shook his head at the question.  **  
**

" **Man, when you took off you just stopped caring all together didn't you? Jessica is Sam's fiancée**." Castiel looked wounded by what Dean said.

" **I don't think it will come after them, they aren't important to your dad**." Dean scoffed at what Cas said, heading inside.

" **We're not important to our Dad** ," Walking inside Dean went to the washer and started putting his clothes in, Benny's arms snaked around his waist kissing his neck.

" **I missed you last night, screw waiting for your lease to be up, move in now**."

' ** _It would be a good way to keep an eye on him, just in case something does try coming after Benny_ ** ' Dean thought to himself then turned his head to look back at Benny, " **Alright, after we're done with everything,  we'll move me in**." Pecking the bottom of Benny's chin he turned on the washer and turned in his arms to face Benny and Dean wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck. " **You sure you don't have time for a quickie**?" Dean purred moving his lips down over Benny's neck kissing and sucking at it, hearing a moan leave his boyfriend's lips. **  
**

" **I got time** ," was all Dean needed to hear before he started taking off Benny's uniform as he lead them to the bedroom,  allowing Benny to strip him of the clothes he had on. It never bothered Dean when Benny's hands trailed across his scars, it always made him shudder, but never from fear. It felt good to have Benny's hands on him, they were so gentle and loving.

Dean's hands went to Benny's hips, grinding against his entrance while their tounges tangled with each others.  Dean broke away to grab the bottle of lube and stroked at Benny's election as he put the lube on his length. 

" **Uh..Dean**..." Benny moaned out, moving his hips in the rhythm of Dean's hand.  

" **Hold on sweetheart, almost ready** ," Dean cooed as he adjusted himself and gently thrusted into Benny, stroking Benny, and a grunt left Benny's lips. Dean was on his back, his hands pinned over his head as Benny drove himself down on Dean's length a moan leaving his lips. " **Benny...** " He called out as his boyfriend ravaged his neck with small love nips and kisses. Benny rode Dean until he reached his climax, and as usual Benny slathered himself with lube and thrusted inside Dean taking his turn to fuck him.

Dean whimpered with pleasure, riding Benny's thrusts meeting Benny's lips. When his boyfriend started kissing him, Dean began to pant harshly into Benny's lips as Benny thrusted harder and faster into him. Clenching his eyes closed and grabbed onto his boyfriend's shoulders, which Benny was quick to change pinning Dean's hands against the bed, holding on tighter.

" **Benny** ," Dean pleaded when it began to hurt, " **Not so rough**."

" **Almost done baby** ," Benny replied breathlessly,  but he didn't seem to listen to Dean's plea and instead of being more gentle, he thrusted harder making Dean cry out in pain and squirm under his boyfriend. This wasn't the first time this had happened and Dean tried not to blame Benny; he couldn't help that he got excited and lost in the moment. Dean pulled his hands free and went to Benny's chest to push him, trying to stop him. The police officer pinned him down again, ramming into Dean until he was satisfied.  " **See? That wasn't so bad sweetheart** ," Benny cooed letting Dean go and stroked his cheek once before he pulled out and moved to clean himself up and find his clothes.

Dean rubbed the tears from his eyes before he got up and went to the bathroom,  looking at his wrists where Benny's nails had dug into his skin.  _ **It was just an accident, he didn't mean** **too**_ , Dean assured himself and got into the shower to clean himself up. After he was done,  Dean dried himself off, and found his clothes and put them back on. Benny grabbed Dean by the chin and kissed him deeply.

" **I'll see you later, sweetheart** ," Benny let Dean go and headed out the door before Dean could say anything. Swallowing hard, he went to put his clothes in the dryer. When Dean finished his laundry he headed out the door, using his own key to lock Benny's door before heading out. 


	16. Chapter 16

" **How could you let him treat you like that**?" Castiel's sudden appearance in the passenger seat of the Impala caught Dean off guard. A gasp left his lips, the car swerved, and Dean slammed the breaks, making the tires squeal before the car came to a stop on the side of the road. Dean took a minute to calm his rapid heartbeat and heavy breathing.  

" **Jesus Christ, Cas! You could have killed me**!" Dean shouted, placing a hand on his chest and willed his heart and breathing back to normal.

" **You're still alive** ," Castiel pointed out bluntly, " **Don't avoid the question, Dean**." 

Dean averted his eyes swallowing hard, looking out the front windshield,  before placing his hands back on the steering wheel and clenching on tightly. " **Benny didn't do that on purpose**..." Dean began before he trailed off of his explanation when he realized Cas knew about what happened.  " **Wait...You were watching us have sex**?" Castiel simply shrugged his shoulders. 

" **I have to watch over you at all times. Stop changing the subject.** " Castiel snapped, " **After what happened to you, you're going to allow another man come into your life and hurt you? What if it wasn't an accident?  What if it gets worse? You deserve better**!" Dean began to chew on his lower lip,  something that he hasn't done since he was seventeen. 

" **You don't even know Benny, he loves me. It was an accident, and it won't get worse, back off**." Dean wasn't sure who he was trying to convince anymore, Cas or himself. He didn't want to believe that he had gotten himself mixed up in an abusive relationship, and Benny had only gotten out of control like that once before; the first time they had sex.  **  
**

" **If it does escalate, I will step in, Dean. I don't think it would be a good idea if you moved in with Benny**." Castiel pointed out, never taking his eyes off Dean, knowing what it looked like when Dean covered for someone else.

" **No one asked you for your input Cas. It's not up to you to choose what I can and cannot do** ," Dean snapped back, finally meeting the angels gaze. 

" **How do you think Sam and Bobby would react if they knew about this, Dean**?" Dean clenched his jaw, glaring at Cas darkly and took a swing at him,  punching Castiel's jaw; it felt like Dean had hit a wall and broken his hand. Cas, on the other hand, didn't even seem phased by it in the least. 

" **Son of a bitch** ," Dean groaned as he rubbed the hand with his other, " **Leave them out of this**." Castiel stared down Dean, remaining calm, knowing Dean was only upset. 

" **Don't force me to bring them into it** ," hearing the sound of fluttering wings, Cas was gone, Dean scoffed and pulled back onto the road continuing toward the shop, his hand still throbbing painfully from decking Cas. 

 _' **Cas is only bluffing, he wouldn't tell Bobby and Sam. They don't even know him, they wouldn't believe him**_ **anyway**.' Dean told himself, trying to make himself feel better, wincing at the pain from his hand as he turned the car into the parking lot of the auto shop. He turned off the engine when he came to a stop. Getting out of the car, Dean forced a smile when he saw the family standing outside waiting for him to show up. " **Sorry to keep you waiting, let me get your keys and you can be on your way**."

There was no good explanation or reason Dean could think of to give to the family to make them understand his tardiness, all he hoped was that they would accept his apology. Heading inside, Dean went to the cabinet where they hung the keys and found the correct set that went to the minivan. Stopping by the front desk,  Dean made sure the payment had been made before going back to the work area. Unlocking the door of the van, Dean got in, closed the door and turned the engine over waiting for one of the other mechanics to open the garage door, letting him drive out of the shop and parking out in the parking lot. Getting out of the van, Dean handed the keys over to the owner, ignoring how much more pain there was now in his hand. 

" **Good as new, have a good day**."

" **Thank you** ," The man said as he took the key from Dean and the family loaded into the van and took off. Once they were gone, Dean got back into the Impala and started up the engine, taking off, needing to take care of his hand before it became more of a problem.


	17. Chapter 17

Once at his apartment, Dean wrapped up his hand with a bandage and his cell phone went off; playing Benny's song. 

' _In my life there's been heartache and pain. I don't know if I could face it again. Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life._ ' Dean answered the call, putting the phone to his ear. 

" **Dean, before you say anything, I want you to know how sorry I am for earlier** ," Benny began apologetic and sincere. " **You just**..." An exasperated sigh left Benny's lip as if he was having a hard time explaining himself. " **I lose control, and I can't help it**." Dean rubbed his face, knowing how lame Benny's excuse was. But Dean was so afraid that if he did end things, he wouldn't find anyone else that would love him, or find anyone he would trust to open himself up to. Dean would just go back to sleeping with a different person every night to fill the void like he had done before he met Benny. 

" **If you don't find a way to control yourself, we're done** ," It took Dean a few minutes to work up the strength and the courage to say what he did, he didn't even give Benny a chance to respond before he hung up on him, and let the phone drop from his hand to clatter onto the table. ' _ **Did I really just do that? What if Benny decides I'm not worth the effort and he rather have someone that he doesn't have to control himself with**  _?'  Dean felt his stomach churn sickly. ' _ **What the hell am I going to do? I'll have to find somewhere else to live if things don't work out with Benny**_.' Dean felt overwhelmed with anxiety, his heart pounding in his chest and he suddenly couldn't breathe. 

" **Dean**?" Castiel was suddenly in front of him, placing his hands on Dean's cheeks, " **Dean, listen to me, you need to breathe, come on slowly take a breath and relax. You're going to be okay**." Dean focused on Cas's voice, slowly drawing in a breath, forcing himself to keep his concentration on his breathing instead of anything else. Dean's heart slowly slowed down to a normal beat, and he felt himself calm down. " **Are you alright**?" Dean nodded his head slowly,  swallowing lightly. Before he had a chance to thank the angel for helping him, there was a knock on his door and Cas disappeared with the sound of fluttering wings.  

Pushing himself off the couch shakily, Dean went to his door, looking out the peephole and quickly unlocking the door, opening it up. " **Benny**?" Dean was thrown off by Benny standing outside his apartment and couldn't help but wonder if he had come just to break up with Dean face to face. 

" **You didn't give me a chance to say anything before you hung up on me** ," Benny began, "  **I want to be perfectly clear about something;  I don't want to lose you. I don't want to hurt you anymore, Dean**." Benny's words pulled on Dean's heartstrings, bringing tears to eyes. " **I love you**." Benny placed a hand on Dean's cheek kissing him so softly, making all Dean's worries melt away. 

Castiel watched them from the corner, invisible to them both, arms crossed in front of his chest. He didn't like Benny touching Dean, or kissing him, and it made him more upset that there was nothing he could do to stop it. Dean pulled back from the kiss, breaking them apart, drifting off into Benny's blue eyes. 

" **I love you too, Benny** ," Caressing Benny's cheek with his wounded hand,  his boyfriend gently grabbed him by the wrist looking at it and then into Dean's green eyes, Benny's brow furrowed with worry. 

" **What happened to your hand**?" 

" **I got upset and hit something. ..it's just a little bruised..nothing too bad**." Dean admitted, not feeling it would be right to lie to Benny. 

" **Upset over what? Me**?!" Dean looked away ashamed with himself and Benny pulled his chin up to lock their eyes again, " **Oh baby...next time your upset don't go hurting yourself**." Benny kissed the wounded hand gently. " **Promise me**."

" **I promise, I won't hurt myself again** ," Dean said sincerely,  even though he knew that next time he wouldn't try decking an angel when he was pissed off. " **Do you have to go back to work, or are you free for the rest of the evening**?" **  
**

" **I'm all yours sweetheart** ," Benny remarked swatting Dean's ass playfully. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denny Smut..when packing turns sexual.

Allowing Benny to enter the apartment, Dean closed the door and flicked the locks, making sure the salt line was still intact. Benny quirks his eyebrow at Dean curiously and even though Dean could tell Benny was wondering what the hell it was for, he didn't ask the question. Dean didn't even know how to begin to explain it; he flushed shyly.

" **Well, since you are here, we can get the rest of my stuff packed up and moved out of here** ," Dean suggested after clearing his throat. Grabbing an empty box out of the closet, Dean climbed on the couch, reaching up and started pulling down the frames. " **There's some newspaper in the cabinet under the sink, we can use to wrap these up**." Dean pointed out to Benny, looking over his shoulder at his boyfriend, who seemed distracted by checking Dean out," **Benny**?" 

" **Yeah, I heard ya. Just enjoying the view** ," Benny said with a wide smile, and Dean rolled his eyes at the other male. 

" **Just get the newspaper** ," shaking his head, Dean chuckled lightly and turned his attention back to taking down the remaining pictures. After taking down the last picture, Dean stepped down from the couch and turned around, coming face to face with Benny who held a stack of newspapers in his hands.

The two of them paused, just looking each other in the eyes, smiling at each other. Benny dropped the newspaper to the ground, snatching at the picture frames in Dean's hands. Dean let Benny take the majority of the frames, except for one; the frame was hand made out of a glossy marble with a heart decal resting on the bottom left handed corner. Some of the frame was charred from the fire, the picture inside was of Mom, Sam, and Dean; Dad had taken it the first night Sammy had been brought home from the hospital. It was the only one Dean had of Mom that didn't include dad either; none of his pictures had Dad in them. 

Benny put the frames down on the newspaper and reached for the one Dean held on tightly too. Dean moved the frame from Benny's reach, " **I can take care of this one myself**." It wasn't like Dean didn't trust Benny, he, admittedly was over protective of the frame, and for a good reason; Mom had made the frame herself before she had died.

" **Alright, sorry**!" Benny apologized, raising his hands, and backed away giving Dean some space. Dean gently set the picture frame down with the rest and then Benny grabbed him by the hips, pulling Dean closer to him, nuzzling into his chin; the stubble of Benny's beard tickled Dean's neck." **Let me make it up to you** ," Benny spoke softly into Dean's ear before he began to suck on it, and Dean shivered, a groan of pleasure leaving his lips. 

" **At this rate, we're not going to get anything done** ," Dean remarked, caressing at Benny's half erected length bulging against his pants. 

" **Not my fault you're so sexy... can't keep my hands off you** ," Benny stated with an innocent smile. He was tugging at Dean, who complied, allowing himself to bed led where ever Benny was taking him. Dean felt his back hit the edge of the counter in the kitchen and Benny's kisses started covering every inch they could manage to get to as Benny began to take off Dean's clothes. Willing the flashbacks away before they could even start, Dean focused on enjoying the moment, replacing old, bad memories with new, good ones. 

Benny was much more gentle and in control of himself,  compared to earlier. Every thrust was careful and meant for pleasure, drawing in every moan that came from their lips. Dean grabbed onto Benny's shoulders, rocking his hips to Benny's rhythm, panting lightly and shuddering with pleasure every time Benny's length drove deeper into him. When the thrusts started faster, they weren't ruthless and violent, but filled with passion. Reaching his climax, Dean cried out, followed by one short jerk of Benny's hips, driving into him, a groan leaving his boyfriend's lips. 

Slowly, Benny and Dean put their clothes back on, both stealing kisses every few seconds until finally, they got back to work. Dean wrapped up the frames in the newspaper,  as Benny loaded the rest of his stuff in boxes. Dean went to the room after he was finished with the picture frames, relieved that Benny had yet to pack up his bedding. Pulling the gun from under his pillow, Dean put it at the bottom of the box, covering the firearm with the bedding and pillow before Benny could see it. After he was done, Dean took a last look around the apartment,  making sure he had grabbed everything before Benny and himself walked out the door, locking the door behind them.

" **Let's go home** ," Dean said pecking Benny on the cheek before closing the trunk of the Impala and got in the car and Benny in his own, the two of them driving off into the night.


	19. Chapter 19

It had been three weeks since Dean had moved in with Benny, and since then, things had gotten better with Benny. Castiel popped in from time to time to check in on Dean, but it didn't seem that there was any immediate danger. Dean even began to wonder if whatever, or whoever, had threatened them had already been taken care of by Dad. If that was the case, wouldn't Cas know, and take off like he had when Dean was younger, and Dad had been dealt with? With nothing known for sure, Dean stayed on alert, waiting for Benny to go to sleep before setting up protection around the house and waking up early enough to remove it before Benny woke up. 

* * *

 

One evening, after Benny and Dean had gotten home from work, the two of them got out of their clothes and turned on the shower, both of them getting in. " **Let's go out tonight babe, have some fun** ," Benny suggested kissing the back of Dean's neck, his hands resting on Dean's hips, pressing up against him.

" **Sure..why not? It's been awhile since we went out** ," tilting his head back, Dean met Benny's lips and kissed him. Turning around, Dean wrapped his arms around Benny's neck, continuing to make out with his boyfriend, intensifying the heat in the shower between the two of them until Benny pulled away, breaking the kiss.

" **Keep that up and we'll never make it out of the house** ," he said with a chuckle, swaying them back and forth. 

" **What a shame that would be** ," Dean teased groaping Benny's ass, teasing him. Benny shook his head and nipped Dean's lower lip, removing his hand from Dean's hip and grabbing the soap. 

" **Come on dirty boy, let's get that oil and grease off ya** ," Dean huffed but made no attempt to stop Benny from lathering his body in soap. Dean took the soap from Benny once he was all soaped up  and began to lather Benny's body with it. Putting the soap down, the two of them washed their hair and rinsed off the suds.Turning off the water, once they were finished, Dean stepped out of the shower first and grabbed a towel. While he waited for Benny to get out, he rolled up the towel and smacked his ass with it when his boyfriend came into view. 

" **Oh, you're going to get it now** ," Benny warned playfully grabbing his own towel and smacked Dean on the ass. The two of them attacked each other with the towels, laughing and carrying on for a while, until both their asses were red. 

" **Alright, alright, I surrender**!" Dean called out, face flushed from laughing so hard. Unrolling the towel, Dean used it to dry himself off and then wrapped it around his waist. He kept looking over his shoulder, making sure Benny wasn't going to cheat and take another shot at him, which he didn't.  Dean walked out of the bathroom first,  going to their room to change into clean clothes, with Benny following close behind.  

* * *

 

 " **Find us a spot, I got to go to the bathroom** ," Benny said as they walked into the bar and grill, his lips press against Dean's cheek before walking away from him and started heading for the bathroom. Dean looked around for a table for just the two of them, and upon spotting one he walked over to it and pulled out a chair taking a seat, waiting for Benny to join him. 

* * *

 

Castiel had followed Dean and Benny to the bar and grill, if it had been another night of them staying home, the angel would have taken off and given them their space. But because they were out in public, it painted a target on Dean's back.

Castiel spotted the creature as it came out and began to head for Dean, the angel couldn't believe his eyes and knew that without the proper weapon, attacking her would do nothing. The borderwalker was smart, she wouldn't attack Dean in a public place, she would wait to get him alone, giving Castiel enough time to retrieve the weapon he needed. 

* * *

 " **Hey sugar, what can I get for you**?" The very attractive brunette waitress asked, her hand stroking Dean's shoulder lightly. Dean pulled away about to speak to her when Benny appeared, he looked flushed with anger and grabbed Dean by the wrist. 

" **We were just leaving** ," Benny snapped furiously at the women tugging Dean to his feet. 

" **Benny..wait..** " Dean tried to pull back, confused at his boyfriends sudden change of mood. He willed himself not to draw too much attention to them and allowed himself to be taken out of the bar and grill. Benny shoved Dean into the passenger seat of his car - they had left the Impala at the apartment - and walked to the other side of the car, getting into the driver's seat before he peeled out of the parking lot. 

" **I can't believe you, letting that girl put her hands all over you** ," Benny began, obviously letting his jealousy getting the better of him. " **I bet you loved the attention,  you fucking slut**!"

" **Benny,  please**!" Dean tried to reason with him, finding the whole situation absurd. Benny couldn't really think Dean wanted her to touch him, could he? " **Calm down...you're not even**..." Dean was cut off when he suddenly had to grab onto the dashboard as Benny turned off to the side of the road, stopping the car and turning on Dean. The look in Benny's eyes sent a wave of fear through Dean's body and the other male lunged at him; automatically,  Dean reacted to defend himself.

" **Benny, stop**!" Dean pleaded with Benny as he was overpowered by the police officer,  feeling the metal against his wrists restraining him to the grab handle overhead.

" **I'm going to make you remember who you belong too** ," Benny growled, Dean lifted his leg to kick at the other male when the car door was suddenly ripped from it's hinges. A gasp left Dean's lips and Benny looked over his shoulder to assess what was happening. Suddenly, Benny was torn out of the car.

Dean struggled against the handle he was handcuffed to, seeing the women from the bar holding Benny in the air by the collar of his shirt. " **Put me down you stupid bi....ah**!" A bloodcurdling scream came from Benny's lips as the women tore him apart, spraying his blood everywhere.

" **Benny**!" Dean called out, tears welling in his eyes trying to break the handle, but was unsuccessful.  The woman walked away from Benny's lifeless body, climbing into the car. She slid up close to Dean, using her claws to gently draw them over Dean's chest. Drawing in a shaky breath, Dean tried to scoot away, only to hit the door behind him.

" **Well, well, if it isn't Dean Winchester. You have no idea how long I have been looking for you** ," The brunette said sounding almost lustfully. " **I need to use you and little Sammy to send a message to your father to back off of my kind**."

" **You bitch, if you go near Sammy, I swear..ah**!" The sharp nail cut into Dean's chest cutting him off. 

" **You'll do what? You can't stop me, you will already be dead** ," The woman hissed, bringing back her hand to cut Dean in half as she had done to Benny; Dean squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for the pain, his thoughts going to Sam and hoping Gabriel would not fail in protecting him. Before he could wonder where the angel that was supposed to protect him was, a scream came the girls lip's and Dean opened his eyes.

Castiel had pulled her from the car and it looked like the angel had cut the women with a strange blade. Just as he was about to strike her with a deadly blow, she was gone. Cas dropped the knife to his side and went to the car, releasing Dean from the handcuffs. 

" **Are you alright, Dean**?" Nodding his head, Dean felt the tears pouring from his eyes as he looked at the two pieces of Benny's body lying on the ground. Cas looked over his shoulder at the body before looking back to Dean to grab onto him. Taking them from there with a flap of his wings, and to Sam's place, knowing from speaking with Gabriel earlier that Jessica had gone out for the night. 


	20. Borderwalker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait, I have never wrote for Gabriel, so I was doing some research.  
> If he still seems non- canon, I do apologize, I will try my best to fix it.
> 
> Also, I now have a cover picture for both Hollow Son and Lift Me Up.  
> The ones I am using here are ones I made.

' _ **I... I can't believe she killed Benny**_.' Dean was so conflicted with his emotions. ' _ **If she hadn't, what would have happened? Benny was out of control! He wasn't listening to me, I don't know if..**_.' Dean's thoughts trailed off for a moment and he hugged himself for comfort. He felt sick to his stomach, thinking ill of the dead. Benny may not have been perfect, but for some time they had been happy. Yet, in the shock of Benny's death, all Dean could focus on was the events before he died. When Dean wasn't plagued by the ill thoughts of Benny; all he could think of was the way the woman had so easily sliced through him.

" **Dean**!" Sam exclaimed, slapping Dean on the cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts and to the room around him. 

" **Sammy**?" Dean asked, his voice cracking, as he looked up at his little brother confused. " **How did I get to here**?"

" **Cas brought you,** " Sam explained, his voice filled with worry as he glanced at the angel. " **What happened**?" Sam asked and Dean's voice died out, tears springing back in his eyes and could only muster a shake of his head. 

" **A Borderwalker attacked Dean and Benny** ," Cas seized the opportunity to tell them what kind of creature they were dealing with, but neither of the Winchester's had any idea what Castiel was talking about. Gabriel, however, knew.

" **A Border..what**?" Sam and Dean asked at the same time. 

" **Oh you know, your basic Alpha bitch that can teleport between worlds** ," Gabriel cut in and Castiel threw his brother an unamused look at the description.

" **Before she was turned into the first Borderwalker, she was a human by the name of Metzlicihuatl. She was a midwife's daughter and according to Huehuecoyotl, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Once the god tired of her, she refused to, literally, let go of him. She tried to cross the rift between the human and godly realms along with him and was changed into a monstrous creature that would be called a Borderwalker**." Sam was hanging on Cas's every word, while both Gabriel and Dean looked bored out of their minds, " **Unlike the other Alpha's the Borderwalker was not created by Eve**."

" **How do we kill a Borderwalker**?" Dean spoke up, the look of shock still written on his features.

" _ **Itztlitlantl,"**_   Cas answered, holding out the blade he had struck the Borderwalker with earlier. The knife was leaf shaped and looked ancient, " **It's made of obsidian**."

" **Or, we can get some lovely** **Marigold flowers and use them to decorate** ," Gabriel chimed in with a smirk playing on his lips.

" **Marigold flowers**?" Dean raised an eyebrow, wondering if Gabriel was just screwing with him.

 "  **They are used to protect against the Borderwalker** ," Castiel explained, speaking more on a serious note then his brother.

" **What else can you tell us about the Borderwalker**?" Sam asked.

" **With her hooked claws, the Borderwalker can tear apart a crowd of people with a single swipe**." Dean shuddered at the memory of watching her tear Benny apart, "  **The Borderwalker also takes on monstrous shapes. Such as a tarantula, or a scorpion with a thousand tails** ," Castiel concluded, looking at the brothers and over at Gabriel. "  **Until we kill the Borderwalker,  it would be safer if we kept them together  and make sure that she doesn't also go after Jessica**."

" **Jessica!** " Sam exclaimed,  grabbing his phone and punching in a number, waiting for an answer. 

" **Oh boy, a slumber party**!" Gabriel stated sarcastically. 

" **Jessica** ," relief came from Sam when the phone was answered, and the rest of the room listened to Sam's side of the conversation.  " **Look, this is going to sound weird, but I need you to come over as soon as possible**."

" **I'll go get the flowers** ," Gabriel sang in a high-pitched, off-key tone and was away with the fluttering of wings.

" **I'll explain everything when you get here, I love you** ," Sam said and ended the phone call, a worried expression on his face. 

" **Cas, could you make sure that Jessica makes it here safe? I promise, Sam and I won't leave this room**." Dean spoke to the angel, and after a minute of consideration,  Cas nodded his head and left with a flutter of wings as well. 


	21. Chapter 21

"  **Dean, if you want to talk about what happened to Benny, you know you can talk to me** ," Sammy told his older brother, giving him the look he had given Dean for years that pleaded for his older brother to open up to him. No matter how old Sam got, he was still Dean's little brother, and there were still some things he didn't need to know about. Plus, if he talked about it, he would have to think about Benny, and Dean was more than content worrying about the Borderwalker than analyzing the way he felt right then.

Dean shook his head, "  **Not now Sammy...don't worry about me, alright**?" Sam opened his mouth to protest when Gabriel appeared in the room holding a basket full of Marigold flowers. 

"  **Sammy, I'm home**!" Gabriel wiggled the obviously fake brown mustache he was now wearing on his upper lip, and Sam heaved a sigh rolling his eyes. "  **Come on Sam, lighten up! Has your brother always been this uptight**?" Gabriel asked Dean who was snickering, relieved to get a laugh considering what happened. 

" **Yeah,  pretty much** ," Dean said smiling as he nodded his head looking over at his little brother who had that annoyed look on his face. Dean wiped the smile from his face and cleared his throat, changing the subject.  " **I wonder what's keeping Jessica and Cas so long**?" 

" **Cas**?" Gabriel's eyebrows raised at the question. " **Is that some kinda cute pet name**?" his asked, his eyes squinting. Dean knew he wasn't going to hear the end of this anytime soon with Gabriel around. Gabriel forced his gaze on Sam, "  **Why don't I get a cute pet name, like Cas? Huh? Dean put some thought into his angel. Why can't you**?" Sam shook his head and ignored the question entirely, starting to pace the room with worry. " **Sam, relax, _Cas_ will make sure Jessica gets back safe**." Not a minute went by after Gabriel had spoken, that the door opened and Jessica Moore; a petite blond came through the door. 

Jessica's eyes scanned the room, falling on Dean, shifting to Gabriel, and finally settled on Sam. " **Um..Sam? What's going on**?" Sammy's eyes locked onto Dean's and he nodded his head, both of them knowing what had to be done. 

" **Jess, I got to tell you something...but you may want to sit down first**." The girl looked at Sam and the two other males in the room curiously before she answered. 

" **Alright**..." Jessica sat down on a chair in the room, and Sam began to tell her everything about what happened when they were kids, and that their Dad became a hunter of supernatural creatures, and now, one was after them. Though Sam told Jessica the truth, her eyes kept shifting from Sam to Dean, hardly believing a word Sam was saying and wondered if they thought she was gullible enough to believe their insane story. It all sounded like it came out of some bad horror movie. By the time Sam finished talking, Jessica had her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest, her eyes narrowed in anger. 

" **Do I look like an idiot Sam**?" She snapped at him and Sam tilted his head, eyes squinting sadly.

" **O-of course, not Jess** ," Sam began, but Jess wouldn't let him finish, honestly hearing enough of his crap. 

" **Don't Sam, just don't.  I don't want to hear anymore, and I don't want to be a part of this. You two need help. We're through, Sam**!"

" **Jess, wait-**!" Sam tried to call after her, even began to go after Jessica as she walked out the door, slamming the door in Sam's face. The room was silent from the aftershock, Sam stood frozen at the door. 

" **That went well** ," Speaking up to break the silence,  Gabriel spoke sarcastically, receiving a hard look from Castiel who had made himself visible,  now that Jessica had left." **What**?" he asked innocently, " **Too soon**?" Cas shook his head at his older brother, knowing his antics could sometimes go a little overboard. 

" **Yes Gabriel, too soon** ," Cas pointed out bluntly,  seeing Dean shake his head as well, wondering what the hell was wrong with the other angel if he thought that was funny. " **It wouldn't be a good idea to stay here, it's not safe**."

" **We can go to Bobby's** ," Dean interjected, blurting out the safest place he knew of and Cas let out a small huff, figuring he would say that.  

" **I'm not so sure that would be wise, Dean** ," Cas answered softly, carefully trying not to set off Dean, but it was already too late; Dean went off on the defense,  his temper flaring.  **  
**

" **Oh? Why is that? Give me one damn good reason why going to Bobby's wouldn't be a good idea**!"

" **You wouldn't want to put Bobby in danger would you**?" The question struck the right nerve and Dean's face fell and he bit his lower lip, lowering his head and eyes to the ground and shook his head. That was the last thing Dean wanted to do and Castiel knew it. 

" **Dean's right** ," Sam spoke up finally, turning from the door to face the others. " **Going** **to Bobby's would be the safest bet, he would be more upset if we didn't come to him for help. It wouldn't matter if it was to keep him out of danger, Bobby would rather us be safe**." 

Castiel focused his gaze on Sam, sighing heavily. Getting through to Dean was easy, all the angel had to do was point out the danger to his family and he would back down. Sam, he was different, difficult even; though he cared just as much as Dean did, he would stick by the smartest decision. 

Arguing with Sam wouldn't get Castiel anywhere, he looked to Gabriel for support, but as usual he wasn't of any help. 

" **Cas is right Sam, we can't put Bobby in danger** ," Dean argued with his little brother,  his voice low. 

" **Stop following everyone's orders for once Dean, and do what you want. Bobby is tough, he can handle himself. You rather trust _them_ to take us somewhere  _they_ think is safe? Or, would you rather go somewhere you know is safe **?" Sam snapped back, making his older brother rethink his decision.  

" **Bobby's** ," Dean said quietly,  then spoke louder. " **I rather go to Bobby's**." Cas couldn't believe that Sam had actually just done that and looked at him surprised. 

" **Either you two can take us, or we'll go ourselves, and take the flowers to protect ourselves**." Sam pointedly said to the angels, who looked at each other and back to the brothers.

" **Alright, don't get your panties all in a twist. We'll take you to Bobby's**!" Gabriel spoke up, and shifted the basket of flowers under his arm, so he could grab ahold of Sam, taking off with him with the fluttering of his wings.

Castiel still wasn't sure this was the best idea, but knew if he didn't take Dean to his brother, it would start a whole other fight. Cas sighed in defeat and took Dean to Bobby's.  


	22. Chapter 22

"  **Sam...Dean**?" Bobby looked confused by the two of them appearing in the living room with Gabriel and Castiel. " **How did you get here? What is going on**?" Explaining to Bobby what was happening, was at least going to be easier than it had been telling Jessica.

" **This is Castiel and Gabriel** ," Sam began, starting with the good news. " **They...are...angels**."

" **Angels? Are you pulling my leg, boy**?" Bobby narrowed his eyes. 

" **We've got the wings to prove it. Would you like to see**?" Gabriel didn't even wait for a reply before he expanded his wings for Bobby, smirking at the look of mixed shock and disbelief.  " **I assure you, they are real**."

" **Say I believe ya** ," Bobby began still unsure of what he was seeing and the existence of an angel.  " **What do you want with _my_ boys **?" He asked protectively. 

" **I can assure you** ," Cas jumped in before Gabriel got a chance to say something that would not help the situation.  " **We mean neither Sam or Dean any harm, we were sent to help them**."

" **Help them?  Help them with what**?" Bobby was more worried now than he had been a few minutes before. Dean exhaled, taking one for the team. Considering what had just happened with Jessica, Sam deserved to sit back and let someone else tell the story. Bobby was silent the entire time, processing everything Dean was saying, with that damn poker face that hid his reactions and emotions. "  **You're Dad still has a bad habit of getting in over his head** ," Bobby snapped, and Cas was the only one who noticed the way Dean tensed when he heard Bobby speak of John, as if he was forcing himself not to stick up for his Dad. "  **Might as well get started on setting up those flowers round the house. Gonna need more than one basket,  that's for damn sure**." Bobby continued to grumble.

" **Getting more won't be a problem** ," Gabriel with an assuring tone, but a mischievous smile only Cas recognized and he wondered what his older brother was up to. He hoped that it wasn't something that would come back and create more problems for them. Now wouldn't be the best time to bring it up, not when everyone was already on edge about what has currently happening. Cas would just have to wait until he could speak to his older brother later and privately. 

* * *

 

Later that evening, after Bobby's house was decorated from ceiling to floor with Marigold flowers,  Cas got his chance to speak to Gabriel.  

" **Where did you get all the Marigold's**?" Keeping his tone lowered,  Castiel demanded an answer to his question, not in any mood for his brother's shenanigans.  Gabriel, of course, only gave him a smirk and popped a lollipop in his mouth that he had made appear out of thin air, practically showing Castiel what he had done. 

" **You need to relax brother. Have a good night, _Cas_**." The look on Castiel's face went from being hard, to annoyance when his older brother decided to use the shortened version of his name, Dean had taken to calling him. Before Cas could protest that Gabriel use his correct name, his brother had fluttered away. 

 

* * *

 

Gabriel took off to Sam's room the instant he heard the human crying. Scrunching his face up, he watched the younger Winchester for a moment, not understanding why Sam was so upset. He still had Gabriel there for him, and it broke his heart to see Sam sad.

" **Come on Sammy** ," Gabriel said softly, leaning closer to Sam, leaving a few inches between their faces, Champagne colored orbs, locked onto the brown orbs. "  **Lighten up kiddo, there are plenty other fish in the sea.** " The sucker popped out of Gabriel's mouth and booped the end of Sam's nose. 

"  **Gabriel**!" Sam exclaimed, swiping the sucker off his nose. It flew out of Gabriel's hand and onto the ground. Sam shoved at the angel, trying to push him away. "  **That's disgusting**!"  **  
**

A hurt look came to Gabriel's face for the first time, and he pouted out his lower lip at Sam. "  **I was just trying to get you to smile**." The annoyed look instantly dropped, and Sam looked as if he had felt bad that he hurt the angels feelings.

" **Look, I...I'm sorry** ," Sam apologized sincerely, offering the best smile he could muster up to Gabriel.  The angel stuck his nose in the air, crossing his arms over his chest, giving Sam a hard time. Gabriel was glad to see Sam smile, but he wasn't going to let him off that easy.

" **That's better, but I think you could do better**!" The angel pointed out, flashing Sam a wide smile. " **Now, about that pet name** ," Gabriel began changing the subject, but really what he was doing, was trying to keep Sam from thinking about Jess. "  **I was thinking,  Gabe, or....ooh, Abel. What do you think Sammy? Which one do you like better**?" Sam scoffed with a roll of his eyes, exhaling a heavy sigh. 

" **I don't know,  Gabe, I guess** ," Sam remarked passively, shrugging his shoulders.

" **Really? Gabe? That's so boring**  !" A whine left the angels lip, sounding to Sam like a five-year-old kid; he couldn't help but laugh. 

" **Hey, you asked me for my opinion, and I gave it to you**." The laugh is what Gabriel had been aiming for, and once he had gotten it, he uncrossed his arms and stopped pouting. 

" **Alright,  Sammy. You win, Gabe it is** ," Smirking to himself, Gabe sat down by Sam on the bed. "  **Get some sleep kiddo**." As much as he hated to force this on Sam, Gabriel pressed his fingers to Sam's forehead and put him to sleep. Catching Sam as he fell back, Gabriel laid him gently down in his bed and caressed Sam's long, brown hair. " **Good night**."

 


	23. Chapter 23

On the way to his bedroom, Dean stopped at Sam's door, quietly opening it and poked his head in to check on his baby brother. Sammy was passed out on the bed, with Gabriel sitting at the edge. Gabriel placed a finger over his lips and shooed Dean out of the room with a wave of his hand.

Blinking, Dean closed the door softly, ' _ **Does Cas sit at the edge of my bed while I sleep**_?' Dean wondered to himself, no longer needing to worry if his little brother was safe; Gabriel was watching over him.

Entering his room, Dean went to the bed and kicked off his shoes before he laid back on the bed. ' _ **I wonder where Cas is anyway**_ ,' he pondered for a minute, ' _ **maybe he doesn't think I need him... Which I don't**_.' Shaking off the troubling thoughts and the fact that he had just lied to himself, Dean closed his eyes attempting to fall asleep. 

_Benny grabbed Dean's kicking legs and pinned them down, spreading them apart before positioning himself between Dean's legs. Keeping Dean from being able to continue to fight him off of him._

Waking with a gasp, Dean's heart pounded in his chest, and slowly, he realized, that it was just a dream. Calming himself,  he felt another weight on the bed, near the middle, shifting his eyes from the covers, he found Cas sitting at the edge of his bed. Just as Gabriel was for Sammy.

The angel wore the trademark look of worry, "  **Nightmares**?" There was no point of lying to Cas, he had been down this road with Dean once before. Dean nodded his head, adjusting himself on the bed. "  **Why did you and Benny leave**?" the angel asked as if he had been wanting to ask the question for some time, and Dean swallowed hard with fear, not sure if he wanted to tell Cas the truth. "  **I don't understand, when I had left I thought there would be time to get back before anything happened**." It was at that moment, Dean realized that Castiel was blaming himself for Benny's death. Dean reached out,  placing his hand on Cas's to comfort him.

" **This isn't on you Cas** ," Dean said softly. If it meant Castiel wouldn't blame himself for what happened, Dean had to tell Cas the truth. Taking an unsteady breath, Dean explained to Cas what happened at the restaurant, and even in the car leading up to the Borderwalker killing Benny. Castiel looked as if he was still trying to process everything when Dean finished telling him. 

"  **I..I don't understand,  Benny had changed. Why would he just snap like that**?" It was the same question Dean had asked himself, and all he could do to answer Cas was shake his head. 

"  **I don't know,  Cas. You tried to warn me that this might happen, and I ignored the warning**." Dean looked down, fiddling with his fingers, "  **Maybe my Dad was right...I make people turn on me**."

" **No**!" Castiel's voice was deep when he replied, "  **Don't think like that Dean. It wasn't your fault for Benny or your Dad. It was their's**."

" **Yeah?  How much longer are you going to believe that**?" Dean snapped, shooting a glare at Cas. "  **What if the next person I get with ends up the same way? Will it be them too? Is this the plan you were telling me about when you talked me out of killing myself? Cause if it is, I don't want any part of going through it over, and over again**!"

" **Of course, it wasn't Dean** ," Keeping a level tone Castiel tried not to sound too hurt by Dean's accusation. " **At the time, all I knew was that you weren't supposed to die! I thought your father was the only person that was going to hurt you.  I snuck behind _my_ father's back to check up on you. You didn't see me because I didn't let you**!" Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing; that Cas hadn't actually left him at all, and he felt like an ass for assuming that the angel had.

Castiel's hand pressed against Dean's cheek, stroking the human with his thumb, trying not to seem too loving,  and more trying to come off in a comforting way. " **I _never_ stopped caring about you. I let you go when it seemed like you didn't need me anymore. I was upset when I came back to find you with someone else that hurt you. You didn't deserve that Dean, you deserve to be with someone that will love you the right way**."

Dean stared into those blue eyes that even now filled him with warmth and hope. Still, Dean was no fool, he had already made the mistake of thinking Castiel could be the one that would love him. The rejection still haunted him. "  **I want you to be right Cas...I can't do it again**."

Castiel, deep down, wanted to show Dean how he felt, but he wasn't sure he could take the risk of losing everything if Dean rejected him the way Cas had rejected Dean. "  **Don't give up now, Dean**." A heavy sigh left the other male's lips and Dean pulled away from Cas's touch, laying down, physically and emotionally drained. He wanted to demand that Cas give him one good reason not to give up, but he was too tired to argue anymore.

" **Yeah, alright Cas, whatever you say** ," Dean remarked passively,  making himself comfortable in the bed. " **I'm going to try going back to sleep. Good night**." Dean closed his eyes. 

" **Good night, Dean** ," Cas said softly, letting the passive remark go and placed his fingers to Dean's head helping him fall asleep faster and keeping the nightmares that plagued him away. Watching Dean while he slept, Cas's gaze fell to Dean's lips remember the way they had softly grazed his all those years ago. 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter.

" **Wake up Sammy**!" Gabe sang, way too upbeat for that early in the morning. Half asleep, Sam groaned groggily, slowly opening his eyes finding Gabriel's face inches away from his own and wiggling his eyebrows at Sam. 

 " **What are you doing? Get off**!" Sam protested pushing at the angel on top of him. 

" **Sammy**?" Dean's voice came from outside and before Sam could stop him from opening the door, his older brother popped his head inside the room. Gabriel was kneeling on the bed over Sam, just inches away from his little brother, and Sam had his hands on Gabriel's chest. "  **Am I interrupting something**?" Dean asked awkwardly, taken back by what he had seen.

" **Yes** ," Gabriel answered first and Sam gave him a dirty look, shoving him again. 

" **No, don't listen to him. Gabe was just waking me up**." Huffing Sam turned beat red with embarrassment and Dean raised his eyebrows. 

" _ **Gabe**_?" He mused, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth wondering when Sam had decided to start calling Gabriel by the pet name. 

" **Yes, Gabe**!" The angel announced,  rolling off the bed, allowing Sam to actually get up. "  **Don't you love it? Sam and I decided on it last night** ," he said, way to chipper for Dean, a proud smile lighting up Gabe's face for his accomplishment last night. 

" **Yeah, it's great** ," Dean said, still feeling a little awkward about the situation. "  **I'll meet you guys downstairs**..." Dean moved out of the room and closed the door behind him. ' _ **Is Sam really safe with Gabriel**_?' Dean wondered, staring at the door, hoping that the angel wasn't messing around with his little brother for a laugh. If he was, Dean wouldn't rest until he found a way to tear out Gabriel's lungs. Forcing himself to walk away from the door, Dean headed downstairs, his mind riddled with worry about Sammy.  

" **I almost forgot** ," Gabriel announced so suddenly that isn't surprised Sam,  "  **I made you something**!" Sam furrowed his brow in confusion, what looked like a necklace made of Marigold flowers appeared in Gabe's hand. 

" **You're joking, right**?" Sometimes, it was hard to tell when Gabe was being serious and when he wasn't.  The smile faded into a frown for a moment.  

"  **No, this is for your safety. If you want to go outside, you have to wear it** ," Gabriel said actually sounding very serious for once. 

" **I think I'll just stay inside** ," Sam opted, giving the necklace a look of distaste and noticed Gabe frown once more.

" **Alright,  just wanted to give you the option**..." The flowered necklace disappeared, and Sam exhaled softly hearing the disappointment in Gabriel's tone.

"  **Look, I appreciate that you made me it, but I don't go outside much anyway** ," Sam explained, hoping that he hadn't hurt Gabriel's feelings. Gabe had noticed that since watching Sam, the younger Winchester was more content indoors, usually with his nose buried in a book. But Gabriel thought that just maybe, he could show Sam what he was missing from staying indoors.  "  **If I decide to go out, I'll let you know, and I'll wear it. I promise**." Gabe smiled and nodded his head. 

"  **Sounds like a deal, let's join the others downstairs**." Sam agreed and left the room, walking ahead of Gabriel descending the stairs with the angel at his heels. 


	25. Chapter 25

Months passed since the attack by the Borderwalker,  and everyone at Bobby's was getting restless. 

" **Maybe we should just summon the son of a bitch and get this over with** ," Dean spoke up in an annoyed tone and Bobby looked at him in shock. 

" **Did you drink a bottle of stupid today? What good would that do**?" He argued, trying to talk some sense into Dean.

" **We can't just hide out here the rest of our lives, with our thumb up our asses, too afraid to go outside because that bitch will kill us**!" Bobby had to admit that Dean had a point, they were sitting ducks, and it wasn't like they could count on anyone else to take care of the Borderwalker. 

" **How are we going to gank her Dean? We only got one blade made of obsidian. And last time I checked,  the Borderwalker could take down crowds of people with a single swipe**." Sam jumped in when Bobby had failed to continue  arguing with Dean. 

" **So we take some time to prepare to attack. Find some obsidian,  make bullets. Gather what we need to summon the bitch and when we're ready to fight, we'll take her out. We just got to distract her long enough so that Cas can get in there and stab her in the heart**."

" **You can't be serious** ," Castiel said, honestly hoping that he wasn't the only one that thought this was the craziest plan he had ever heard. " **Finding obsidian isn't easy,  and neither will be finding the flute that belonged to Huehuecoyotl**."

" **Never said we had to do get it all done in a day. You and Gabriel would probably have the better advantage of tracking them down** ," Dean pointed out bluntly, not letting himself get torn down this time. 

" **Dean's right, Castiel**." Cas hit his older brother the same shocked look, amazed that he was taking Dean's side. They were sent there to protect the Winchester's,  not to put them in danger. **  
**

" **What if it doesn't work? What if we all end up dead**?" Sam argued some more, seeming to be the only one left on Castiel's side. 

" **Least we go down with a fight** ," Dean said stubbornly. Cas and Sam exchanged a look between the two of them, both at a loss. Neither of them was going to get through to Dean- he had his mind set in his decision, and he was either going to do it with, or without them. It was time for Sam and Cas to decide whether or not they would stand and fight with him, or lay down and die in defeat, and neither of them would take the last option. 

* * *

 

Castiel hadn't been kidding about how hard it was to track down the obsidian, and finding the flute was an even harder of a task. Gabriel,  who had a horn of his own, took it upon himself to be the one that tracked down the flute. Cas tracked down the obsidian and brought back anything he could find to Bobby and the Winchester's.  From there, they would start making bullets, hoping that they would at least each be able to load an entire chamber of bullets. 

* * *

At last, Gabriel had found the flute after several months of tracking it down, following rumors and stories of where it would be found, and brought it back to Bobby's house. They had enough bullets, they had the flute, and they had  _Itztlitlantl._

" **Everyone ready? The moment she comes and realizes that we are not Huehuecoyotl, she will be furious** ," Gabriel warned, holding the flute in his hand and kept his steady on Sam. "  **Screw this, if I'm going to die. I'm going to make it worth it**." Suddenly, Gabe pulled Sam to him, pressing their lips together while the others watched in surprise. Sam seemed to melt into the kiss and even kissed the angel back. "  **Don't die on me, Sammy** ," Gabriel breathed out, breaking the kiss keeping a firm grip on the younger males waist.

" **I'll try not too, don't die on me, either**." Dean shifted his eyes from his little brother and to Cas, holding himself back, refusing to be put through the same humiliation he already went through before. Turning away to make sure his gun was loaded, a hand took hold of his wrist and before Dean knew what was happening,  he was being spun around and he was facing Cas, swept away into his blue eyes.

Castiel's hand pressed against Dean's cheek, leaned in slowly and their lips pressed softly together. They tested each other at first, then deepened the kiss when Dean placed a hand on Castiel's waist, pulling them closer together, and moving his lips against Castiel's. Together, they left the world behind them to a place where only they existed. 

That was until the sound of Bobby clearing his throat brought them crashing back down to reality. " **Are we gonna do this? Or ya gonna stand round swappin' spit the rest of the day**?" Dean felt his face heat up in embarrassment, breaking away from Cas and loaded his gun, giving Bobby a nod of the head. 

" **Let's do this.** " 


	26. Chapter 26

Gabriel raised the flute to his lips and softly blew into it, playing a lovely melody. Lowering the flute, Gabe exchanged it for a firearm of his own. During the preparation, he had taken the time to learn to shoot. So that he could be just as useful as the rest of them.

It wasn't long before the Borderwalker appeared in Bobby's living room, a high pitched screech leaving its lips in fury, shifting into a scorpion with countless tails. 

"  **Now**!" Bobby called out and the room exploded with the sound of gunfire as they tried to distract the Borderwalker walker from Castiel who inched his way closer to her. Gabriel stepped closer as well, half shielding Sam, just in case.  **  
**

Castiel was close when in a flash, two of the stingers shot out, piercing through both Castiel and Gabriel's chest at the same time.

" **Gabriel**!" Dean heard Sam called out at the same time he called out.

" **Castiel**!" Dean watched his angel hit the ground lifelessly. Running over to him, Dean slides to his knees beside Castiel leaving Bobby as the only one left shooting the  Borderwalker. " **No...no..no..you can't leave me again...** " Dean pleads, and he starts to sob. " **Please, Cas...I love you!** "

Behind Dean, he heard the bitch laughing. He grabbed the sword laying at Cas's side, and Dean raised to his feet, and turned to the Borderwalker, with anger coursing through his body, all reasoning leaving him. Dean no longer cared if he died; if he did, at least he would be with Castiel. The Boirderwalker raised her hand and the stingers to strike  as Dean closed in on her, taking the opening, noticing that even if she can take him down with a single blow, it took her a long time to administer such a strike. Plummeting the blade through her chest and straight into her heart, Dean slowly wrenched the blade through the Borderwalker, cutting her apart. Watching the guts spill and the pieces fall to the ground, eyes cold. Dean dropped the knife and turned to return to Cas, but his body had disappeared.  

" **Cas**?" Dean chokes out in shock and worry, and tears pour down his cheeks uncontrollably. Wondering where Cas went, and if he was ever coming back. 

" **Dean** ," He heard Sam choke out in a sob, and he looked at his brother, noticing what Sam was going to tell him before the words left his mouth," **Gabe is gone too**."

 

**The End.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in the third part of the series, coming soon.  
> Please review, I love hearing feedback, it motivates me to keep writing.


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